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Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Oh Christmas Tree
Well this has been a rather busy week...for obvious reasons. The one thing I really like about Christmas is that everyone puts all their crap behind them and comes together for one decent lunch at our place. Had an enjoyable lunch complete with turkey and mutton curry. I still have to go buy my Playstation 2 for *my* Christmas gift...can't wait! All in all, it's been a pretty good year for me - I can't wait to see what 2006 has in store. My best wishes to everyone out there for the New Year!

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Sunday, December 25, 2005
Merry Christmas

And the angel said to them, "Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of a great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger." (Luke 2:10-13)

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

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Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Calling all Angels
People continue to amaze me every day. In my Inbox today I found an email from a person who gave me some friendly advice; advice that actually made me realize that the Internet isn't as anonymous as I'd like it to be. Of course, I could have just sent the email to my Junk Mail folder and continue to live my life in ignorance, but I was so surprised by the fact that someone I didn't know would offer me advice that really could save my life from a lot of trouble. It's nice to know that out in the world there's a stranger who looked out for me.

You know who you are - thank you.

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Sunday, December 18, 2005
Don't tell me
I miss being a kid. When you were a kid your mum combed your hair, gave you a great breakfast in the morning, and hugs were an essential part of your day. We would roll around in the grass and sand, fall down in the dirt and still be laughing, and put uneaten chocolate bars in our pant pockets for snacking upon later. We would laugh at Tom & Jerry, cry over Bambi, and share chocolate sandwiches with our best friends during recess. We would wonder why adults were so worried about growing old, and we never thought twice about asking God for a little help every now and then. We could memorize the names of the other 29 kids in our class without browsing through our cell phone's address book. We would bound up 4 flights of stairs and still be breathing normally. We could stand big eyed and teary in the middle of a store and someone would come pick us up and help us find our parents. We were kings and queens in our childhood and we never knew it.

Baking powder is my new enemy in the kitchen. Having forgotten to add 1 tablespoon of it to my Christmas fruit cake batter, my gloriously rich Christmas cake has come out as a Christmas pudding. My mother is freaking out...she thinks it's been poisoned or cannot be eaten. My simple solution is to serve a slice on a small plate, pour brandy over it, and flambe it at the table, whilst at the same time giving it some exotic name so that no one notices it's actually totally fucked up Christmas cake.


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Friday, December 16, 2005
Walk like a man
I am feeling, dare I say it, a bit bitchy today. So let's ramble, shall we? Relatives. I understand why God made Adam and Eve, but I don't understand why God made relatives. For me, relatives are the most annoying type of people I've had the misfortune to know. And of course, if they haven't seen you in 10 odd something years, the plethora of utterly brainless questions they ask is simply mind numbing. The most common thing they comment about is how tall I've grown. Well duh, you stupid fuck, it's called growing UP. Did they really expect me to be a short, fat, hyperactive 8 year old all my life? (I know guys who are like this in real life - scary huh?) At times I just want to grab all these annoying, old, noisy relatives and shuttle them off the moon. I know I'm not alone in my 'relative woes' - there are very few people I know who actually like their relatives. Maybe if I paid them all, they'd go away. For a simpler solution, why not write a flaming letter to your relatives to let them know just how unwelcome they are. And here's a site to help you along.

I swear, I'm getting Jim's epidemic...another guy for you all to vote on. Okay, so I admit that my previous nominee was total trash (the public have spoken!) so here's someone new whom I saw at my niece's Christmas Fair (hey...a playground full of kids and married people...I NEEDED the entertainment) So cast your vote and decide his fate!

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Sunday, December 11, 2005
Let me entertain you
They say that driving is an art. Well if it is, then I'm clearly an Expressionist. Or Abstract even. I will come to a grinding halt on the highway if I see some eye candy walking near the road. I will cut across three lanes to get behind the car being driven by the cute blonde guy wearing shades. I've also been known to terrify a fellow passenger by narrowly missing driving onto the pavement when I noticed some fellow wandering around shirtless near the beach. Yes, I am a driving hazard - but at least I don't tailgate you on the highway at 140kph and blind you with headlights that belong on a lifeguard's boat. Unless of course, you're blonde and wearing shades.

I think my taste in men is going somewhat downhill. Lately I've found every Tom, Dick, Harry and Raj to be cute. Maybe it's just raging hormones or something but I keep going "Ooo" and "Aaah" over every second guy that crosses my path. Public poll time - this chap was at a coffee shop I recently discovered and he was a total doll by looking directly at the camera while I took his photo. So, hot or not? Leave your comments!

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Thursday, December 08, 2005
I got the world on a string
Someone once posted an intelligent question: (please excuse the horrific grammar)

"Y on earth do females have a look at their own boobs suddenly(u knw....like a peep) whn they are walking around or especially whn they get off da chair! I've seen sooooooo many females of different nationalities do tha....Do u ppll check for something or wha?!"

Well let me pose my own question: Why do so many men grab their crotch in public? I mean I've seen countless guys grab, scratch, adjust, roll around, and do god knows what to their privates. Yes, your delicates are still hanging there...why do you have to do a quick checkup in public? Hide in the loo and take a quick peek...admire your manliness or whatever, just please spare me the gross factor.

In other news, Carrefour has a "Win 500 Trolleys a day" promotion. At first I wondered what in the world I'd do with my very own trolley, but it turns out that you can win a trolley of groceries at the counter. Which is what happened to me today at counter number 24 - my trolley of things was paid for in full, for a grand total of AED 50.25 And what wonderful things were in my trolley you ask? Well, here's the list:

1) 8 tinsel garlands, 2 each of red, green, white, blue
2) 2kg packet of sugar
3) 1 tray of Extra Large Al Jazira eggs

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Sunday, December 04, 2005
Leave right now
I think it's hard being Indian. You don't know how much pressure is on you all the time. If you're a girl, you have to find a nice man, get married, let him fuck you every two years so that you spit out grandchildren, stay at home and cook, clean, feed the kids, grow fat and unattractive, and still put on a smile for your husband while you stand at the door with a cup of chai when he comes home. And if you're a boy, then you have to go to the best university there is, become an engineer or a doctor, go meet about 20 nice girls that your parents like, decide on one girl, get married, let her have the kids, pay the bills, and call up mummi when you are going to stop by for some paratha and dahl.

I have to write a report on the desert. What am I supposed to write about - it's fucking sand! Whatever 'wildlife' we were supposed to see on our trip we only saw in a PowerPoint presentation.

Suno beta, life isn't all Ha Ha Hee Hee.

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Saturday, December 03, 2005
Here with me
Browsing through Jim's archives I came upon a little list of things that apparently all bloggers have to make. So, here's my contribution to cyberspace:

1. I have no clue how long this list will be.
2. I am sitting here in my bathrobe when I should be in bed.
3. I am terrified of bugs.
4. I love incense and coca butter.
5. I don't usually mix the two.
6. I miss my cat terribly.
7. I believe in the power of prayer.
8. I have a very gay T-shirt that I should wear more often.
9. Yes, I am gay.
10. I will not turn you gay if you continue to read this.
11. I wish my family knew I was gay.
12. I don't think that would be a good idea actually.
13. I have the hots for a guy who has no idea how I feel about him.
14. I have very few guys in my life whom I trust.
15. I am grateful for my best friends who are my heart and soul.
16. I dream about going on the Oprah show.
17. I want to make a guest appearance on Charmed.
18. I am a sucker for Sales.
19. I think that Brad Pitt is over-rated.
20. The only famous people I have met are Bill Clinton and Sarah Michelle Gellar.
21. We swapped email addresses.
22. I love to cook.
23. I hate clutter and untidy rooms.
24. I think my niece has the most beautiful smile in the world.
25. She also likes stickers.
26. Sometimes I hate the way my body looks.
27. Most of the time I love myself anyway.
28. I really don't give a fuck about what most people think.
29. I tend to swear a lot if I'm not careful.
30. I miss watching F*R*I*E*N*D*S.
31. I said No to my very first proposal.
32. A part of me thinks I'm an idiot for doing that.
33. I'd take tea over coffee any day.
34. I really don't like going clubbing at all.
35. But I still enjoy club music.
36. My best friend says I will be diabetic when I am older.
37. I need more people like her.
38. My vocabulary is exhaustive.
39. I don't like vegetables.
40. I should learn how to swim.

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Thursday, December 01, 2005
Take your Mama out
Sale. No other four letter word puts more fear into a man. Or into his wallet rather. I think sales were taboo in previous years. Selling goods at reduced prices? People would think you'd like to go bankrupt. Or that you had just come out of a messy divorce - whichever was more fun to gossip about. I for one don't mind sales. It's the clawing at things and rushing to the counter that I don't enjoy so much. I'm telling you...if you get word of an upcoming sale, you'd better get into shape. Do a few laps around the track or in the pool and build up your strength so that you can punch the face of the sorry bitch who's got her hand on your outfit.

Tune in next week when I talk about the other dreaded four letter word begining with 'F' - Free (you dirty minded people)

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