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Monday, April 28, 2008
Say what you Want
The living room is a blur of activity and faces. As I walk around, some nod in my direction, some come up for the kiss on the cheek and hug. I just smile blankly and slink through the murmuring crowd to reach the stairs. I walk straight past Adrian's study and reach my bedroom. I resist the cliche to go and stand by the window and look out, and instead walk over to my bookshelf. My fingers gently run along the neatly arranged books, sorted alphabetically of course. An almost invisible fine layer of dust is beginning to settle on them, and I am filled with the urge to strip the house bare and start cleaning - to scrub, wax, polish and wipe every surface and every room. I pick up a snow globe that we found at a market in Paris, and as I shake it I watch the fragments of my life swirl and dance around a plastic Eiffel Tower. Familiar memories and street noises creep into my mind, and I set the globe down again sharply, almost breaking it. I sit down on my bed and the dogs come in from the next room, their voices muted by Adrian's absence. Rehearsed expressions, scripted lines - they all failed to come to me today. I called Dianne first, and she was on the next plane out to see me - there is no love greater than a mother's for her son. I rang my mum to tell her too, and she said she was sorry for me. I asked if she could come out to see me and she hung up.

I snap out of my trance of self-pity to find Dianne standing at the door. Despite her age, she looks timeless, and it's easy to see where Adrian got his looks from. She is carrying a small platter of food, servings of the various dishes people have brought over. Why do people always bring food? I ask to no-one in particular. Dianne smiles slightly and sets the platter down on the bed. When the soul is broken, all that's left to feed is the stomach she answers musingly. I wonder how things will be now between us. Before, Adrian was the common link, the binding force between us. Now we're just two strangers sitting in a bedroom.

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Thursday, April 24, 2008
What have you done today

Every day, thousands of students are silenced. On April 25th, that silence will be heard. For more information, please visit the official Day of Silence website as well as Silence Is Not Golden.

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Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Isn't She Lovely

I have the most hilarious story to share with you all today. I was patiently waiting at a food outlet in the food court near my work place, when this guy comes up behind me to place his order. I grab a quick look at him - mid 30s, tanned, clean shaven, slim build, glasses, has potential to be cute. So anyway, I'm standing there at the side and the lady at the counter asks him Hi Sir, can I take your order? I kid you not, this is what he opened his mouth and said: "Um yea, I'll have the chicken burger meal, except for the burger can you make sure it's grilled chicken and not fried? Also, I don't want tomato, I want sun-dried ones and instead of the mayo sauce can you put something else? And I don't want it in a sesame bun, I want a plain one. And also..." Seriously, I was standing there looking at the lady at the counter who had on an expression that clearly said "Okay I am going to fuck up your order anyway, but keep talking!" The guy spent at least 3 minutes detailing exactly how the stupid burger was to be made. And I thought to myself This guy just HAS to be single! I mean just think about it - he's doing the hibbidy jibbidy with some chick, and this is the conversation that's going on when they're in bed: "Okay so I want you to lie down but not too far so that you're still sitting up to see what I'm doing. Also I want your body positioned so that you're at a 42 degree angle to the horizon. And you have to sit so the sunlight falls on your left cheek, not your right. Or if you stand so you are parallel to the facing wall whilst still being perpendicular to...."

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Saturday, April 19, 2008

I love channel surfing. You never know what you're going to come across when you whizz through your 200 Showtime channels. Flipping through this evening, I stopped on a local channel, one tv and there was a show going on called HerSay - basically a spin-off of The View. The ladies on the show were having fun talking about various things and the show actually was getting my attention, BUT, I was in for quite a surprise. During the entertainment segment, they brought up Beyonce and Jay-Z's wedding, and how the paparazzi wasn't allowed to sneak in any photos. Then one of the girls piped up and said "Oh I wonder if they had southern fried chicken there?" I half-choked on my lasagna when she said that and in my head my Monique voice went Oh no you did'in sistah!

Seriously though, did anyone happen to catch this particular episode? I want to know if I heard correctly or if I'm being the over dramatic queen that I am.

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Thursday, April 17, 2008
Please Don't Stop the Music

One of my favorite pass-times when I'm mall hopping is wardrobe scrutiny. I just love how some people put so much effort into their wardrobe and looks when all they're doing is going down to Carrefour. The men have their hair slicked back, shades on, Zara wardrobe to the T, and polished leather shoes. The women have their hair done up, lipstick at a sheen, nails trimmed, and clothes in sync. I once asked a friend of mine to meet me at a mall, and when she arrived she looked like she was going to a freaking awards ceremony. When I asked her why she was all dolled up, she said "Oh this? This is just something I threw together!" I tell you something - if I threw something together, I'd probably look like a pregnant woman barfed on me. So anyway, scouting the crowds around me, I noticed one woman in particular who was a bit...er..big boned. Now I'm all for the 'gurl if you got it flaunt it' thing, and this woman was certainly bringing it, it's just that I don't think she knew where to bring it to. She had on black leggings, white flat ballet slippers, a white and yellow top, and huge shades on her face. Worst of all, she was wearing a thick black belt on top of it all, and it seriously looked she had the fucking equator wrapped around her waist.

Skipping through the entertainment gossip, I've come across this little jewel - Ewan McGregor and Jim Carrey are set to star in a warped story of a man who falls in love with his cellmate. Bring your own popcorn folks - this is sure to be a hoot to watch.


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Friday, April 11, 2008
If You Believe
So I was sauntering around one of Dubai's many malls, and I happen to stroll by a very posh perfume store, which was advertising the following fragrance.

Click to enlarge

Now in all honesty I find that celebrity-endorsed perfumes smell the worst (J-Lo's new one is a great mosquito repellent), but what I don't get in this ad is the 'featuring Ewan McGregor' bit. Does it feature a few of his hairs ground up into the mix? A fingernail or two? Some of his sperm? WHAT?

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Thursday, April 10, 2008
I have a new gripe today - mobile phones. Now I do love having my mobile phone around, and I especially love the way that it's taken over my life, but I do have some things I need to rant about. First of all, how annoying is it when someone's mobile phone starts ringing at an inappropriate time? Like in the movie theaters...you've come to watch a movie, not watch it and narrate it to some kid in Ethiopia who has never heard of Keanu Reeves. Or even in church...can you believe that? I don't know how many times I've sat in church trying not to fall asleep, only to hear someone's mobile phone start blaring out some ridiculous ring tone. I mean, if that ain't Jesus calling, switch the damn thing off! Just imagine, you're at someone's funeral and your mobile starts going off - "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to...*RING* HEY BABY DROP IT DOWN JUST WANNA SEE YOU TOUCH THE GROUND.." I mean that's more sacrilegious than saying the Pope looks like Gollum. Er...whoops.

Apart from ringing at inappropriate times and featuring some of the world's worst ringtones, I also hate the new music-enabled phones. Why? Simply because people who own these phones like to think that the world needs to hear their kind of taste in music. So I see people all over the place holding their mobile phone up to their face, blasting some fucked up song as loud as it can go. Haven't these people heard of earphones? Or cerebral implants? When I go out for a walk I see these 2 and a half cent wannabes blaring some lameass rap song from their Nokias, or there are the sweet old ladies walking along with Oh meri sona re sona re blaring from their speakerphone. I think my goal for the future won't be to stop world hunger, but to make sure that every person, no matter where they are in the world, has a pair of headphones...try making that your mission statement at the Miss World pageant!

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Friday, April 04, 2008
A friend of mine said the funniest thing to me recently - she said that when couples try for a baby, it's a great thing if they have twins so they don't have to have any more kids. I thought about it for a bit and figured that if I was straight and had twins, I'd probably make their life hell. I mean think about it - if one of them starts crying, I would go and wake the other one up and say "Okay you, wake up and start crying...c'mon I know you want to!" But then again, twins are already pretty much fucked up in addition to the synchronized crying. There's the whole 'matching outfits' thing that the parents do, which would drive me to insanity. How crap is it to have a wardrobe that someone else has an exact copy of? I think that twins have the crappier end of the stick - they say that when one twin gets hurt, the other one feels it and such. My question is, if one of the twins is getting laid, who actually orgasms? Or is it a fifty-fifty deal? Heck - half an orgasm is better than none I always say.

I have discovered yet another thing I hate about kids. Apparently walking is now so 10th century, so kids roll everywhere now. Have you seen these stupid shoes that have a wheel or something stuck under the heel of the shoe? So what the kids do is they start running and take off like a bullet train, and then just drag their heel and they start moseying along. I mean what the hell is this? Are you that lazy that you don't want to do the right-foot-left-foot shuffle of your parents?

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