The hall is annoyingly clean, and painted pristine white. The walls are decorated with children's depictions of various miracles through the ages, and other colourful images of happy families with hearts floating in the sky. We sit in a circle on wooden chairs that were clearly not built to fit a grown adult. Most of the people are staring down at the floor, admiring the various cracks and not wanting to look up.
Sandra's voice snaps us back to reality. "Okay everyone, I'm very excited to introduce a new member into our group tonight. Everyone, say hello to David!"
I can feel eyes swivel in their sockets as the attention shifts to me. I am fighting a throbbing migraine and am wishing to be anywhere else but here. Mind you, I'm wishing - not praying.
"David, how are you this evening?"
I shift into a more comfortable position on the miniscule chair but remain silent.
"You know, David was an important person in the Bible - he defeated an angry soldier named Goliath with just his sling! Do you know how he did that?"
"With a big rock?" My answer is almost automatic. For a split second in time, the mood of the room seems to shift, and people begin to breathe easily again, but Sandra's voice clamps down on our windpipes again.
"No silly! He did it because he had faith in God...and if you have faith in God, you can do anything!"
I have images of myself flying over mountains and I hurriedly stifle a laugh. Sandra is speaking again.
"Why don't we have a little song before we begin? Gordon?"
Gordon's body seems to come to life at the mention of his name, like an idle puppet that waits for fingers to slip through and give it life. He has broad shoulders and a narrow nose, but shows no reaction to the mention of his name. He seems to float out of his chair as he gathers his sheet music and heads to the piano in the corner. He sits gently and gingerly on the stool, and I marvel at the elegance in which he moves. His fingers greet the piano keys like old friends, and without another word, he begins to play, his gaze transfixed on the sheet music, eyes dancing over the notes. I close my eyes and allow the melody to seep into my mind - it seems to be a familiar tune, but I cannot remember the words or where I last heard it. I begin to feel slightly relaxed, and I debate if this is the music's work or the after effects of last night's various concoctions. When the music ends, I open my eyes and Gordon has soundlessly returned to his seat. Sandra gets up from her chair and stands in the centre again.
"Thank you for that Gordon, that was wonderful. I'd like to welcome you all again to our meeting. For our new members, this is G.W.G - Gays With God. I hope to teach you all that God loves you all in spite of being gay, and you can learn to love him too."
Sandra's voice trails away in my mind and I slump back down in my chair. The throbbing in my head returns and I try to will it away. I truly hate my parents for sending me to this place, this plastic bubble of faith and love.
You are reading this post on a blog is no longer maintained - please visit www.outinmyhead.com