Metrosexual. Have you ever heard of a more bizarre word? I'd like to meet the genius who came up with that word - I bet you it's some bisexual guy. I mean seriously - what the heck does the word even mean? To me, metrosexual means a guy who's in between being a homophobe and a fag bangle.

But how do you know when a guy is a metrosexual or just a complete queen? Well, for the benefit of all my lovely female readers, I've compiled a handy little list which should help you decide whether a guy is straight, metro, or gay as can be.


He has long hair = straight
He ties it in a small ponytail at the back = metrosexual
He braids it or wears a hairband = gay

He buys a bed from IKEA and assembles it himself = straight
He hires a professional = metrosexual
They're both trying out the bed = gay

He trims his nails = straight
He files them down = metrosexual
He paints them and adds glitter = gay

He carries a wallet = straight
It's from cK or some other designer= metrosexual
It has a heart-shaped picture of Brad Pitt = gay

He buys a house with a private pool = straight
He has a pool boy look after it = metrosexual
The pool boy is moving in = gay

He plays football = straight
He likes to attend a football match = metrosexual
He attends the match with a pair of binoculars = gay

You are reading this post on a blog is no longer maintained - please visit www.outinmyhead.com instead!

You are reading this post on a blog is no longer maintained - please visit www.outinmyhead.com instead!

You are reading this post on a blog is no longer maintained - please visit www.outinmyhead.com instead!

I think that as dull as they may seem, psychiatrists have a lot of fun doing what they do. I mean what more fun can you have than sitting for an hour listening to a kook talk about his repressed memories while you doodle on a pad long enough to then say "Looks like our time is up for today...but I think you've made brilliant progress!" So with my innate powers of observation, I decided to watch the world in motion, and noticed a very funny thing indeed.

ATMs are really wonderful things, saving us all the hassle of driving to the bank and having to deal with incompetent clerks. But what's more fun is observing people at ATMs. After observing 472 people and writing down 122 PIN codes, I've managed to loosely categorize people based on their ATM skills - feel free to rob this list and post around:

1. The Non-Believer: this type of person withdraws cash, and when they pick up their account balance receipt, they stare in disbelief at it for several long seconds, sometimes even minutes, wondering where the hell their money has gone to. This may be followed up by a second transaction where they re-print the receipt to check if the machine was wrong.
2. The Rich Bitch: for this type of person, money is a trivial matter, and the ATM is more like a slot machine. This person gets their money, slips it into their Gucci wallet, and strolls away, leaving their 6 figure account balance receipt for the next person to drool over.
3. The Pauper: the pauper spends wisely, and thus withdraws wisely. But however careful they are with their money, at some point in the month their account balance is steadily heading in the 2 digit zone. So when they withdraw money and then look at their receipt, they crush it into a tiny ball and throw it away, simply because they don't want to believe that they're broke.
4. The Psycho: these people generally freak me out a little bit. They will wait for 15 minutes to make sure that there is no one near the ATM within a 10 meter radius, and when they are entering their PIN, they shield the keypad and look over their shoulder several times to make sure no one is looking. These people save each ATM receipt, forward emails regarding 'YOUR PIN CODE IS RECORDED BY THE CAMERA THAT LOOKS LIKE A PAMPHLET HOLDER' and change their PIN weekly to match a chromosome in their body.

On another note, don't you just hate it when people say ATM Machine? Think about it...

You are reading this post on a blog is no longer maintained - please visit www.outinmyhead.com instead!

So here comes the obligatory New Year's post, where I'm supposed to look back on the year gone by and hum and haw about all the things that have happened. To be frank, I have better things to do, and there's not a lot that I want to re-live about 2007. So instead of boring you all to death with what 'could have been' in 2007, I'm going to shut up and just wish you all a very Happy New Year.

You are reading this post on a blog is no longer maintained - please visit www.outinmyhead.com instead!