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Thursday, December 28, 2006
Livin La Vida Loca
I love Thursdays. Not only is it the weekend and a time for fun, it's also the day where I get my fresh crisp issue of Entertainment Weekly with the Gulf News. What better way to start the day, than with a healthy serving of what's going on in other people's lives? So here's my pick for this week:

Victoria B to star in Scientology flick as a bride of an alien leader
Apparently this stick figure is 'thrilled' at her 'big Hollywood break'. I guess she didn't make anything out of Spiceworld after all. Of course, the movie is being financed by the leading retard in Hollywood, Tom Booze - er Cruise. I don't know who to feel sorry for at the premiere - David B or Katie. Maybe all four of them will jump on the seats at the premiere?

K Fed to fight WWE champion
A flake in a fake contest. Do we even want to predict the outcome of this? Will this guy just dry up already...NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU, MORON!

Angelina feeds insects to son
Okay, now I know that she's all into the 'I'm part of the poor people too' kick, but this is really pushing it. The woman is a farking bazillionaire, and she flies halfway across the world to give her son BUGS which she can scrape off her slipper? What the hell is wrong with this woman! I tell you what, I'm giving it just two more months before Brad ups and leaves. He's planted his seed, so there's not much more he can do really. If I were Maddox I'd throw the plate of bugs at the woman's face and go "So what, you're too cheap for Mc Donalds now?"

Jen cries through yoga
Following up on Mrs and Mrs Pitt, third wheel Jennifer has been using Yoga to calm herself down following her dumbass husband revealing things about their relationship. Gurl, will you just leave the yoga and go shopping with Courtney? Welcome to the real world babe - men are pigs and their mistress are bitches. Deal with it and set fire to her house. Or hut or hole or wherever the hell they live now.

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Monday, December 25, 2006
Last Christmas
Wishing you all a very
Merry Christmas!

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Saturday, December 23, 2006
Are You Listening To Me?
So just about a week to go before we ring in the New Year. Since I will be pretty much busy this week with family, friends and such, I just wanted to pen a few thoughts about the past year.

2006 was a pretty good year for me - work came back my way and I have been hooked ever since. I still have my fabulous set of friends, and have expanded the circle to a few more. I've become more comfortable with my singlehood, though I have met my share of quacks this year in my quest for a guy. I have had my 'mood swings' far too many times this year, which is a bit worrying, but hopefully I can sort that out soon. As always, I'm not going along with this 'resolution' crap because it's, well, crap. Instead, I want to look at the year ahead as it is - another 365 days before I'm back here again reflecting on time gone by.

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Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Silver Bells

I love how Christmas turns me into a walking talking Martha Stewart. Somehow, I'm channeling that woman's hormones. I've suddenly become an expert on table centerpieces, roasting the perfect turkey, and how to reheat turkey leftovers. I swear it's beginning to scare me.

What's really scaring me though, is that my 52 year old mum is now a fan of...Desperate Housewives. I remember when she first heard about the show she got all excited because I'm sure she pictured it as a show on Zee TV about lonely Indian housewives who are stuck at home in front of their stoves all day, cook, clean, and do all the housework and never get to have any fun. When the show was actually broadcast on Star World, I imagined she'd get totally miffed with all the raunchy scenes, but instead she's become a loyal fan and can easily name all the actresses off the top of her head. Of course, nothing is as priceless as her commentary:

"That Gabrielle no, she is such a wicked woman no? She is married and see what she is doing with that garden boy? Shee shee shee!"

Absolutely priceless mum.

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Sunday, December 17, 2006
Put your hands up
For as long as I can remember, my friends have been hounding me to go buy a car. Against my better judgement, I'm going to listen to them. So hopefully I will greet the new year in a spiffy new car - my very own and very first car. My previous 92 red Corolla was basically a hand-me-down from my mum, but this is going to be my first 'official' car. Can't wait actually, though I'm dreading where the fuck I am going to park it considering I live in an absolute dump filled with second hand cars.

I never thought that buying a car would be so hard. I just assumed I'd go into a car showroom, tell the guy what I wanted the car to have, and the next day I'll be happily be driving my new baby home. But to my dismay, things aren't that simple. You have to check if it's a 1.3, 1.6,or 1.8 litre engine, if it has ABS and SRS and PMS, if it can read mp3 or just standard CDs - life isn't supposed to get this complicated. And don't even get me started on the things you have to check if you're buying a used car (which I'm not...I can't stand the thought of someone else having already driven my precious). Glancing at the classifieds today, there were so many ads with 'lady driven' in them - apparently this adds to the value of your car because 'lady driven' means 'well maintained' or some shit like that. Well, when I'm selling my car I'm going to write 'gay driven' which means 'well decorated'.

At the end of the day, I might just go and buy this - the ultimate str8 boy repellent.

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Saturday, December 16, 2006
Somewhere Over The Rainbow
A real compliment is when a guy tells you that you're amazing and you're not even sleeping with him.

Thanks again to a great friend of mine for a lovely evening and tons of laughs. Again, still trying to figure out why you're single...

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Friday, December 15, 2006
Everybody Hurts

Opera? Just what the world needs: more fat women screaming.

Peter, you were an amazing actor and an absolute riot in Everybody Loves Raymond. The world is going to miss you more than you can imagine.

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Thursday, December 14, 2006
More Than I Can Say
If you walk past an ex twice in the same week, there are a couple of ways to interpret this. For one, it could mean that I've run out of men to chase. It could also mean that the world really is a ridiculously small place, yet you never seem to run into the people you want to meet. Or, it could just mean that I have a stalker. Hurrah.

You know those devices they have at the entrance of most shops that beep if you carry something out with a security tag still on it? Well I had one of these experiences this week. I was visiting a new electronics store that has opened up near my place, and ended up buying quite a number of things that were on sale. Proceeded to checkout and headed to the door, when the damn door thing started blaring and flashing at me. At first I thought it was just my internal gaydar, but when a security guard materialized out of no where, I realized that I was just over reacting. Handed him my bag of things and he proceeded to then scrutinize the whole list, and checking everything off. A good 10 minutes later, when he was quite content, he let me move on. At which point the damn beepers AGAIN went off, but this time I just waltzed through the damn things...next thing the guy will be frisking me and I do not need another stalker right now.

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Saturday, December 09, 2006
This is The World We Live In
No matter how stressed or high strung we all are in our modern day world, if we just take 5 minutes to look up at the sky, the trees, and everything around us that isn't made of concrete, we can't help but feel a little less wound up. This was exactly the feeling I got when I headed up into the mountains with my fabulous friends in tow. The sight of the majestic mountains, the glorious clean air, and the simple mountain life just made time stand still for me for a few moments.

It seems that people are making money off anything and everything these days. People are selling pixels and making millions. People get money for sorting out trash. Heck, you even get money for donating your blood or god knows what other bodily fluids. So it was just a matter of time before some smart ass decided to con people into parting with their money for...bottled air. Or rather as the 'inventor' said "pure natural air for your pleasure". It's bad enough that someone is making an absolute fortune from bottled water, but now some freak show is going to sell bottled air? What's next - a fucking forest in a can?

A special message for a friend of mine - men in general have one foot stuck in their mouth at all times, and rarely say the right thing without wondering if it can be interpreted in another way. My advice - ignore the dumbshit and listen to us.

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Saturday, December 02, 2006
Sick And Tired

One of the great things about living here is that we get sunny days pretty much 99.2% of the time. The other 0.8% of the time we get rain. Now although it may sound weird, it does actually rain here. And believe me, when it rains, it really rains. It's like the sky finally lost its bladder control or something and let everything go. It's been raining since last night, and looking out my window, the road in front of my building is flooded. Not to mention almost every other road connecting me to the rest of civilization. My area has officially become a community swimming pool.

One of the more fabulous aspects of rain here is that it signals the inevitable change-of-weather cold/flu epidemic. And sure enough, I'm sitting here feeling like a baked potato, with god knows what kinds of medication swimming inside me. I usually don't get these annoying colds but man oh man it sucks to be sick. A friend of mine would probably say something along the lines of how falling sick has something to do with my karma, that this is payback for squishing a bug or screaming at a cashier. In my opinion, karma is just nature's way of saying Screw You.

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