For as long as I can remember, I hated the fact that I was single. Everywhere I looked, I would be reminded about relationships, couples, and all the warm fuzzy feelings that come with having someone in your life. When I came out of the closet, almost instantly my views were fixated on finding that perfect man who would love me and 'complete my world'. As I grew older, I began to feel more insecure about myself, and I adopted the delusion that all of my worries would go away once my "prince charming" arrived to sweep me off my feet.
My quest for the perfect man began early, with an almost inexhaustible list of qualities that he had to posses. A great job, perfect body, good education, financial security, sleek hair - the list went on and on. For every single guy that I went on a date with, I would mentally pull out my checklist and start crossing off what I liked and didn't like about him, completely ignoring the fact that sitting in front of me was a guy who was trying his best to get to know me better. I would scan through countless online profiles, skimming through the interests section to pick out common ground, and scrutinizing every last word in their 'About Me' section, almost as if I was interviewing guys for some sort of executive position at a firm. I would jump from one guy to the next, and wonder why I was having such a hard time finding a guy that I liked. Looking back now, I don't even think I knew then what kind of guy I was looking for. Sure, I had this mental image of what my partner should look like and what kind of qualities he needed to have, but let's face it - what are the chances of any of us finding the exact same match in this world?
My eternal pining for a partner would often really get me down - I too easily fell victim to the 'Bridget Jones' scenario, where I would watch soppy romantic films or read awful novels about these women who never had any luck in love until one day some hero who was their complete opposite came and swept them off their feet. Since I was so busy drowning in self-pity, I was unable to see or appreciate life as a single person. My mind was only fixated on finding a man and starting our little life together. Days went by where I would just sit by myself and dream about sharing an apartment with this wonderful man, cooking for him, going out to social events, spending nights at home - it was like a gay version of a Charles Dickens novel.
It was only a year or so ago when I finally decided that I had had enough. I was tired of beating myself up for 'not being good enough' to find a guy, or wondering when someone would take notice of me and fall completely in love with me. The honest truth is that I have a great life now - I have a fantastic circle of friends, good health, a well paying job, and the freedom to come and go as I please. The important thing I've realized is that anyone who is single needs to cherish the time that they have to themselves, because I'm not kidding here folks, once you're in a relationship you'll wonder where those wonderful single years went. If you're single and hung up about it, don't be - chances are you have a fantastic life but you just haven't seen it yet. I know that one day I'll meet someone and take things from there, but at the moment I'm truly happy with the way things in my life are going. Do I still wish that there was a man in my life? On occasion, I do - but I don't let it control my life anymore. Be proud to be single, and spend your time taking care of yourself, because at the end of the day you are so
totally worth it.
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