Okay, so yesterday was Neel's birthday, and it truly was a fab night out for the four of us. We were loud and proud at dinner and she loved her gifts. It was only after dinner that things started taking a rather interesting turn.

We decided to pop to any club nearby and have some fun shaking our booty with the birthday girl. So, 10 minutes later we found ourselves at the entrance of Rock Bottom Cafe. No sooner had we entered the place, this incredible Hulk asked us all for ID. A bit pissing off, but fine we showed him our dodgy driving license photos and he was happy. Then came the fun part. He asked us if we were having dinner or drinks. Now having just inhaled a lasagne, I was in no mood for dinner. So drinks it was - at which point he dropped the bomb on Shebs and me that guys had to pay a 100 buck door charge. Now on any other occasion, I would have reasoned with this chap and explained that I'm a devout non-alcoholic. But unfortunately for me, I think this fellow had been plucked from some remote village and put here, because all I could hear from his mouth were a series of grunts rather than actual words. Annunciate jumped to my mind whenever he said something. Again, I would have reasoned with this chap, but I wasn't about to argue with someone who was 4 times my width. Paid the damn door charge and we got a Martini for Shebs and a Mango juice for me. So basically I paid 100 bucks for a glass of TetraPak mango juice. That is the most fucking expensive drink I have ever ordered in my life. So moving away from the bar area, we decided to sit and chat for a bit at one of the tables. Which is exactly when the waitress (who had a face and makeup only a transvestite could love) informed us that the tables were all reserved and was for dining only. I wanted to break the fucking chair over that whore's head! Couple this with the fact that there was no music, no cute guys, and no fucking bar stools, this place is a pile of shit. Promptly made an exit - stage left.

After our brief tour of that hell hole, Shebs drove us down near Hatta/Oman which was a nice long drive, and I would have enjoyed it more if I was not trying to keep my bladder from self destructing. Humiliation hit a new low when we pulled into a petrol station, and I headed to the restrooms only to find the gents toilet was under renovation. So yes, I went to the ladies room - I am now a 100% bonafide queer.

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Shebs, You Rock!


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So, Halloween is coming up, and a lot of dumbass people are asking me what I'm going to be doing. Well, I don't know really - my Devil costume hasn't fitted me since 1990 and I ain't dressing up as Mrs Frankenstein again. Truth is, I can't decide if Halloween is some bizarre conspiracy created by Hallmark to sell more cards, or if it's an actual feast. It's known as the Day of the Dead in Mexico, so I guess there's some truth to it. Of course, leave it to mass commercialization to turn this day into a candy and costume infested joke.

Speaking of mass commercialization, Christmas is officially here. How do I know? Well, IKEA has its Christmas line out and I'm already approaching my credit limit. I think my hormones go into overdrive during Christmas - I literally become Martha Stewart minus the horrific hairdo. This morning as I was brushing my teeth, I was thinking of ideas for my table centerpiece. So far, I've settled on something traditional - a long white porcelain rectangular dish filled with cream and red candles, gold tinsel, and a scatter of acorns and whole walnuts. Then there's the practicing for the carol singing, and finalizing the Christmas cake design etc. What has this holiday become seriously? What was once a religious Christian celebration has turned into a store's surefire revival from dead sales. I've had this talk so many times with many people, about the real meaning of Christmas, and separating fact from fiction. In fact, it's become a Christmas tradition for me - the crazed fanatic waving a burning torch in one hand and a Bible in the other, burning down Christmas decorations in malls.

Touche.

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Okay, you all know how annoying those promotion people are who stand in the supermarkets promoting god knows what? Well, ran into one of them today while shopping at Plugins at DFC. This idiot was from $howtime, a company that I really am beginning to loathe because these idiots are just so fucking stupid - they don't understand the phrase "Sorry, not interested". And they ask the dumbest questions! Here's a run through of the chat I had with one of their sales staff:


Hi Sir! Do you live in Dubai?
Er, no...I just beamed down from the mothership to pick up the second season of Desperate Housewives on DVD.

Do you have cable?
Well we usually just gather around a torch and play shadow puppets on the wall...

Do you like to watch movies?
Mostly of the naked kind, but there seem to be less of those on TV.

You see what I mean? So when this guy sauntered up to me, before he could even open his mouth, I asked him if he was from $howtime, and when he said yes, I politely told him that I had cable already, and wasn't looking for a change. 15 minutes later, the idiot came back up to me and asked me what I had against $howtime. Is this guy for real? HELLO - you have a job selling 2 subscriptions a day in a dead beat location. Do you really want me to point out the irony?

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I'm a sucker for weddings. No really. I am a wedding freak. I stand in a book shop and I go all teary eyed when I look at pictures of wedding cake, gown designs, or tuxedos. I used to loathe weddings before - all the one night merriment and fun, and then the next day the bitching about the couple can begin. Not to mention the absolute pain it is to find just the right wedding present. But now I just love weddings. Hell, I'll even dress up in my best suit and drive around to hotels to see if there's a reception party where I can mingle. If I'm feeling depressed, I start listening to the Wedding March. How beyond therapy am I? I mean I know that I really really want to get married and all that, but its come to a point where I'm actually waiting for someone to get married so I can join in the merriment.

Speaking of weddings, a big shout goes out to Linda who is going to be walking down the aisle soon. Wishing you the very best for your future luv!

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Contrary to what you may hear, I.T people are very sexy. This evening with Shebs I came up with a priceless pick up line:

"Hey baby...how'd you like to do it binary style? I'd 100101110111 you so good!"

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Breezing through a mall this afternoon, I was tempted to stop and publicly comment about people's outfits. Every third person I saw was color coordinated. They had perfected their outfit down to very last detail that it was getting on my nerves. Exhibit A - a short slim woman dressed in dark blue hipster jeans, a white cropped shirt tied in the front, with a faded dark blue buttoned vest. She completed the ensemble with silver hoop earrings, chunky blue necklace, and blue 'evil-eye' bracelet. Oh and glitter high heels. Did I also mention she had blonde highlights? I mean she looked as if one of the mannequins at New Look had come alive and was strolling to the food court. Even couples were matching their outfits today. Exhibit B - very cute couple wearing white loose fitting khaki cropped pants, sandals, and white linen tops. I wanted to ask them if they could point me in the direction of the yoga class they just came from. I mean seriously, whatever happened to mix and match? And the whole 'layered' look is so long gone now - stop wearing shirt over a tshirt over a vest over another tshirt. It's not fucking 2 degrees in the mall that you need to bundle up like a turkey.

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To a lovely, bubbly, funny guy who's celebrating his birthday today,




Happy Birthday Danu

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Just two very short things to blog about tonight:

1) I am getting better at pool and I am definitely in for future leg stretching, back bending, ass showing games.

2) I can do a fantastic drag show act lip synching to Celine Dion's songs. Don't ask me how.

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Jobs you never knew about: Page Turner

Requirements: be able to read piano sheet music fluently, have a keen eye and strict discipline. Must have a good arm reach and be able to move in a quick, silent manner without distrubing the pianist.

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Okay, so I've always thought that the older men get, the more mature they are going to be etc etc, and thus would make good partners. Well I've had no such fat luck finding a decent chap within my supposed 'age bracket'. So in a truly rebellious manner, I decided to take the plunge and get in touch with someone who's younger than me, more precisely someone who had left a message on my blog a week back.

Enter Danu into the picture - it's a bit creepy how much we have in common but hey, he is a swell guy and has a better intellect than most of the half breeds I have dated. Not going to go brag on about him on here in case prying eyes seek to steal/kidnap him away and I lose my texting whore. I had a great time today hon, and we are definitely doing it again soon! (By 'doing it' I mean having dinner, you sick sick people!)

So anyway, after Danu left I proceeded to wander around the ginormous Mall of the Emirates to find a working ATM (working = gives out free cash) and I chance upon one in the very corner of the mall. And right next to the ATM was a lady who had just dished out AED 500 to a guy who was sitting at a table collecting money for charity. Which I was really going to applaud, except she then took two steps to the left and proceeded to drain the ATM of whatever money was left in it, because when I went to get some cash it said "Out of Order". Stupid cash hoarding bitch.

Oh and the reason the pic of the day is a Chinese take away box is although we had Italian for dinner, they packed it up in little Chinese take away boxes. How cute is that? A bit retarded, but cute anyway.

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So all this talk is going around about thin models and such being banned from fashion shows, and more shapely models appearing on the runway. Now in all my honesty, I really don't care that much. Nope. Not a shred of care in the world. I mean at the end of the day, really ask yourself - which one would you prefer to see wearing Gucci and parading up and down:



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