So, Halloween is coming up, and a lot of dumbass people are asking me what I'm going to be doing. Well, I don't know really - my Devil costume hasn't fitted me since 1990 and I ain't dressing up as Mrs Frankenstein again. Truth is, I can't decide if Halloween is some bizarre conspiracy created by Hallmark to sell more cards, or if it's an actual feast. It's known as the Day of the Dead in Mexico, so I guess there's some truth to it. Of course, leave it to mass commercialization to turn this day into a candy and costume infested joke.

Speaking of mass commercialization, Christmas is officially here. How do I know? Well, IKEA has its Christmas line out and I'm already approaching my credit limit. I think my hormones go into overdrive during Christmas - I literally become Martha Stewart minus the horrific hairdo. This morning as I was brushing my teeth, I was thinking of ideas for my table centerpiece. So far, I've settled on something traditional - a long white porcelain rectangular dish filled with cream and red candles, gold tinsel, and a scatter of acorns and whole walnuts. Then there's the practicing for the carol singing, and finalizing the Christmas cake design etc. What has this holiday become seriously? What was once a religious Christian celebration has turned into a store's surefire revival from dead sales. I've had this talk so many times with many people, about the real meaning of Christmas, and separating fact from fiction. In fact, it's become a Christmas tradition for me - the crazed fanatic waving a burning torch in one hand and a Bible in the other, burning down Christmas decorations in malls.

Touche.

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