Brides.

All over the world, millions of women dream of the day when they can don that fabled white dress, walk gracefully down the aisle in front of hundreds of their friends and family, and stand in front of the one they love. For anyone who's only attended a wedding ceremony, the entire affair can appear so graceful and hassle-free, but behind the scenes things are a different matter. The only way you can pull off a wedding without any hitches is if you've injected yourself with a concentrated solution of Red Bull and cocaine (a must see btw).

So one of the most important things to a new bride is of course, the wedding dress. Everything else becomes totally insignificant for a new bride - including who she's going to be marrying. Almost every bride describes this feeling of 'just knowing' when they've tried on the right dress, how at long last they had that coveted object that no other woman on the planet was allowed to get her grimy mitts on. Well I'm happy to report that recently a friend of mine asked me what she thought of the wedding dress that she had picked out (and ordered) for her wedding in December this year. Now I don't quite know which planet she comes from, but if you ask a gay man about his opinion on fashion, 99% of the time you're going to get the bitter truth. She showed me a picture of this dress that had so much volume in it, that it looked like an upside-down carnation. It had layers upon layers of fabric cascading all the way down, and it could actually look good on a woman who was say 6 feet tall. The layers were not going to do anything for her body shape, and it was just an absolute nightmare for me to see her beaming face staring lovingly at the mess of rags that was her wedding dress. So it was almost natural (nay, a reflex action) for me to tell her the first thing that jumped into my head when I saw that dress:

"You'll look like you're wearing a ribbed condom"

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