Ever since Facebook branched out its registration to include everyone on the freaking Internet, I've had mixed views on the site. On one hand it's a great way to spy on other people, but on the other hand it's also ridiculously annoying and very addictive. For instance, this morning I logged on to Facebook and this is what I got:

You have a 'girlie' request!
You've been bitten - click here to bite back!
XXXXX just gave you a Super Poke!
You've just been bought! Click to see how much you are worth!

I mean seriously - what the fuck?

Another thing about Facebook is that damn 'status' update. The things people write on there range from the mundane to downright obnoxious. So in an effort to shield my eyes from future status-message abuse, here are my top 5 things not to write in your Facebook status.

Moan about work - face it...we all hate our jobs at some point or the other. But plastering it all over your Facebook for the world (and your co-workers) to see is not a good idea. Also, don't office-bitch on Facebook either...if you regret doing it in the photocopy room with the geeky IT guy, don't tell the world what a skank you are.

Post about your conquests - "Randy had a ****ing great shag last nite!" is not appropriate for Facebook, neither is your update two weeks later with "Randy has an itch".

Depress the world - Okay, so you're in a bit of a rut, or going through some tough times. "Mandy feels like slitting her wrists" is hardly something you want to tell everyone. If you're really feeling low, stop petting your fucking virtual Facebook pet and go talk to someone.

Log on while you're sick - even if you're dying from the flu, no one really cares about how much phlegm you're coughing up. One time I logged in and I saw a friend who was sick that day had updated her Facebook every hour - "is sleeping" "is having soup and hates it" "is curling up in bed" "is feeling a bit better" "hates the taste of Panadol" - it was enough to make me go over there and smother her with her pillow..."is sleeping peacefully" would have been my get-well gift to her.

Continue the 3rd person - it's bad enough that Facebook refers to everyone in the 3rd person, but when you keep up the lingo, you're just being stupid. "Dave wonders wonders when Dave is going to get a car" = not cool.

Don't forget to leave your own!

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