Can anyone please tell me what the hell Crocs are supposed to be? They look like the footwear you'd find in some rat infested factory - can you even regard them as proper footwear? What the hell is up with all those holes anyway? You think people want to be smelling your ripe feet as you walk by? And you know what they do with all the small bits of plastic they've got leftover from all the holes they've punched?

They melt them down into condoms.

The biggest threat to world peace isn't nuclear warheads - it's improper footwear. Because no matter how cool you think Crocs are, you still look like a fucking dumbass.

Today I had an exceptionally memorable experience in the elevator at work. I got into the lift and there was already a guy in there, talking away on his mobile phone. Now I really wasn't in the mood to share in his conversation, so after a couple of seconds I whipped out my phone and pretended to talk to someone. All I said was "Hey babes - listen, I'm going to get some groceries after work...do we need condoms?" This of course caused the guy to whip around and stare at me, at which point I then said "Oh I'm sorry, am I being too loud?" and put my phone away. The guy muffled a quick 'I'll call you back' to whoever he was talking to and promptly left the elevator, almost tripping on himself on the way out. I mean seriously, do you honestly think that the whole goddamn world needs to hear your conversation?

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