Metrosexual. Have you ever heard of a more bizarre word? I'd like to meet the genius who came up with that word - I bet you it's some bisexual guy. I mean seriously - what the heck does the word even mean? To me, metrosexual means a guy who's in between being a homophobe and a fag bangle.

But how do you know when a guy is a metrosexual or just a complete queen? Well, for the benefit of all my lovely female readers, I've compiled a handy little list which should help you decide whether a guy is straight, metro, or gay as can be.


He has long hair = straight
He ties it in a small ponytail at the back = metrosexual
He braids it or wears a hairband = gay

He buys a bed from IKEA and assembles it himself = straight
He hires a professional = metrosexual
They're both trying out the bed = gay

He trims his nails = straight
He files them down = metrosexual
He paints them and adds glitter = gay

He carries a wallet = straight
It's from cK or some other designer= metrosexual
It has a heart-shaped picture of Brad Pitt = gay

He buys a house with a private pool = straight
He has a pool boy look after it = metrosexual
The pool boy is moving in = gay

He plays football = straight
He likes to attend a football match = metrosexual
He attends the match with a pair of binoculars = gay

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