For someone who hasn't been clubbing too often, I've managed to figure out the different kinds of men that you'll find on the dance floor. Through observation, tagging, fluid samples, and probing(!) I have come up with this brief list so that you can avoid these men like the Black Plague the next time you head down to your local club:

1) The Pogo Stick: although our subject may or may not know how to dance, one thing he is desperate to prove is that he can jump. Be it Firestarter or Bootylicious, all he does is jump up and down on the dance floor. Kriss Kross would be proud.
2) The Boxer: tends to dance with his fists near his face, swaying around like he's walking through a vat of hair gel. Thinks he looks like a smooth mover, but in fact belongs on the set of Rocky XX.
3) The Salsa King: thinks that deep into each and every song there is a subliminal salsa track, and only he seems to hear it. He will sashay onto the dance floor, create a small space for him and his clueless partner, and then proceed to mambo around in tight black pants and open shirt, revealing a 2-inch forest of hair on his chest.
4) The Robot: so called because his dance moves closely resemble a very boring BASIC program. Observe:

10 LEFT FOOT OUT
20 TURN WAIST 20 DEGREES RIGHT
30 RIGHT FOOT OUT
40 SHAKE
50 GOTO 10

5) The Fake Ricky: this guy shakes his bon-bon like there's no tomorrow. Often dancing like his pelvis is a separate entity alltogether, he likes to thrust in any given direction (think Duff Man from the Simpsons), even when the music isn't particularly exciting. Avoid close proximity unless you want your drink flying out of your hand.
6) The Clueless White Dude: practically says it all.
7) The Random Drunk: there's one of them at every hot spot - the guy who's so drunk, he doesn't know where he is or what the hell he is doing on the dance floor. Body movements seem to range from 'suffering from a stroke' to 'all out seizure'. Buy this guy a drink and get him off the dance floor.