A lot of people say that kids are becoming more and more violent because of television. I however, in my kid-free wisdom, have to disagree. Parents often oversee the somewhat innocent-looking books and fairy tales that the children read. If you sat with a psychologist and analysed the true meaning of some of these 'fairy tales', you'd burn them all and drag your kid straight to church. Think I'm being over dramatic? Well, let's discuss shall we?

Each fairy tale is supposed to have a moral or meaning to it. So for the sake of all the weed-smoking 5 year olds who read this blog, here's a 21st century translation of the 'traditional' fairy tales:

Snow White: always wash your fruit before you eat it. Also, don't accept anything from relatives who look like a 200 year old drag queen.
Rapunzel: I cannot stress enough the importance of a good conditioner.
Three Blind Mice: never run after a married man unless you want something amputated for free.
Red Riding Hood: if a relative you know has big teeth, large bloodshot eyes, and big ears, teach them to Just Say No to steroids.
Old Woman in a Shoe: never trust a real estate agent in Dubai.
Cinderella: never leave prom dress shopping to the last minute.
Thumbelina: always drink your milk!
Goldilocks: never let a blonde into your house. She will take all the silver and most likely break something.

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