My life is a fruit salad of cosmetics. And not because I buy every damn product on the shelf, but because they all have such amazing smells. Why is it that the best smelling stuff is always inedible? For example, I have lemon handwash, strawberry bubblegum shampoo, orange conditioner, mint toothpaste, and vanilla deo. I swear after a shower I really give the term 'fruitcake' new meaning. However, having these deliciously scented products is a bit of a downfall. I once experimented with a chocolate flavored condom on a guy, and he never called me again. Needless to say, the Emergency Room is a great place to meet new and interesting people.

I sometimes wish that in addition to having Gaydar installed in my head, I could have a buzzer that would tell me how good a guy would be in bed. Hey, it would save me the agony of waiting for a Big Mac and getting a French Fry. A friend of mine mentioned looking at guy's hands and the gap between their index finger and thumb. Well if I went around doing that, you'd have to invent a whole new measuring scale for my standards.

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