1. Gum: No longer an item for the mouth, gum has now found its place in people's hair, under desks, on subway seats, and ultimately on the soles of our good shoes. Not only is gum an absolute bitch to get out, by the time you extract a good wad of it and pop it in your mouth, it has completely lost its original flavor, thus leaving in your mouth a combination of tar and rocks. Which brings me to...
2. Rocks: This category also includes the little bastards called pebbles. How many times have you been walking around the street or even in a mall parking lot, and out of nowhere, there's a pebble in your lovely sneakers. So you have to squat down righ there, hunched over your shoe (and trip a couple of people in the progress) and stick your hand in your shoe and try to find the little devil. But no matter how much you scrape and fiddle around, you just can't seem to find it. After what seems to be an eternity (because the bodies are piling up), you slip your foot back in and continue walking. And there it is again - a little round insignificant thing, pressing into your foot and driving your crazy. Several hours later, your discover that the fucking thing was actually in your sock. You swear rather loudly and the universe and vow to wear only sandals.
3. Poop: be it from a pigeon, dog, or case of bad tacos, you never want to wear those shoes again.

I could of course go on, but I think I'll let you all wander outside and discover the other things you shouldn't be stepping in.

Staying on the whole footwear topic, what really annoys me the most are socks. I buy socks from Bhs and they are pretty damn good. What pisses me off, is that once they come out of the washing machine, there is a small hole right where my big toe will go. Now this generally isn 't so noticeable, but when you stick a size 47 foot into the sock, the hole becomes pretty obvious. I tried voicing my opinions on this sock-hole issue to my mum, but she simply announced that no one is going to ask me to remove my shoes so they can check if my socks had holes in them. Fair enough argument, so we head off for Sunday service, me wearing my holey-sock.

So I'm sitting there in the pew listening to what the chap in the front is saying, when all of a sudden there's a terrific flash of light and St Peter's standing there with this huge rug. Now from all the Saint Peter jokes I've heard, he's nothing like I imagined him to be. He was wearing hipster jeans and a loosely buttoned shirt, with dark sunglasses and a golden key around his neck. Okay ya'all he droned (I never thought Peter would have a Texan accent...wow) If anyone of ya'all here like'd to go to heaven, ya'all better take off yer shoes, and get on this here rug, and we'll a-be setting off to Heaven. So we had this flurry of activity in the church with everyone kicking off their shoes and scrambling in their socks to get to the rug, which of course miraculously managed to fit everyone on it. I was just about to get on when Peter stopped me and looked at me over his D&G sunglasses and sort of frowned. I looked down and saw my big toe popping out of my sock. I looked back up at Peter and he gave me a sort of Is this guy for real? sort of look.

So here I am, pretty much alone in the church wearing my holey sock. Tell you what, I hope there's gum in Heaven.