March 3rd, 2020

Often I wonder why the hell I decided to leave everything behind and come here. 10 years ago the thought of coming to live in a new country filled me with excitement. Now, all I can think about is how shitty things have gone for me. Work has lost all meaning, and I really doubt how much longer I can come in late for work before Greg fires my sorry ass. My depression has begun to seep back in - last night I took 2 full packets of Panadol in the hopes that I'd OD or something, but it only made me shit like tar. I'm a sorry excuse for a human being - my disco days are well over. Divorced at 37 and living in a house that was built from scratch to hold in the love of two people. Fucking waste of time that was. Planning to sell this place in a couple of months or so - it takes me a hell lot of time to keep such a huge damn house clean and tidy, even if there is only one person living int it. Right now I'm wishing I had taken up smoking or booze when I was younger - at least I could die from some damn addiction than just sitting here in my own house feeling like a stranger. I guess 9 years of marriage didn't mean a fuck to _________ coz I haven't heard from the swine in a while. Let him go to hell for all I care, or go sleep with every other tramp he meets on the street.

Yesterday Mrs. _________ wanted to know if I would like to come over for dinner - doesn't this bitch ever get tired of holding dinner parties?

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