Out in my head

A new home!

2010-10-24T20:15:00.002+04:00

The blog has officially moved to outinmyhead.com - please update your bookmarks! :)

Music Monday

2010-10-11T06:32:00.000+04:00

It Gets Better

2010-10-02T08:30:00.003+04:00

The It Gets Better Project was started in response to the slew of LGBT teenagers who have committed suicide because of bullying and teasing at the schools on account of their sexuality. The project aims to teach LGBT teens that life really does get better for you as you grow older. A host of videos have been posted online so far contributing to the project, stories of adults around the world who have lived through the torment and teasing, and only come out stronger. While I mulled over the idea of doing a video myself (and I might do one later on), I thought of doing a quick blog post on the topic and to share my experiences growing up.

I knew I was gay from a very young age, though I was unable to find a suitable word to express how I felt inside. As I entered my senior years of high school, I learned of the term 'gay', and only then began to understand what it meant. Of course, since I went to a segregated school run by Catholic nuns, I wasn't about to be throwing a coming-out party any time soon.

In college however, I came out to group of friends and enjoyed being who I was. While I of course never rubbed my sexuality in anyone's face or made a big deal of it, I was technically the only other openly gay person on campus. As news of this spread, people in the campus would tease me with names, make snide remarks as I walked by, and generally give me a look filled with both bewilderment and disgust. While I was never physically assaulted (except on one occasion), the remarks made me feel like an outsider and completely ashamed of who I was. My grades suffered, I hated going to college, and most of the friends I had made in my first semester had transferred to universities abroad.

My wake up call came when I was sitting in my campus guidance councilor's office with my mum, discussing my then 1.9 GPA score. The looming threat of expulsion was enough to give me the slap I needed. I got my head back on straight, dove back into my studies, and worked my ass off to bring my grades back in check. But something else happened to me - I was fed up with taking shit from everyone there; fed up of people looking at me like I was some kind of parasite, and fed up of putting up with everyone's ignorance. Any time I heard someone saying something about me as I walked by, I would back track and ask them to say it to my face. Or I would just whip round and slap them back with a sarcastic remark (like asking one guy if his hair was so greasy because he ejaculated into it every morning). While my retorts didn't get me into fights or any kind of trouble, it did teach people that I was done being the 'gay pushover' everyone thought I was. Thanks to my wicked gift of gab, I was able to out-talk and out-smart anyone who dared to say anything against me from that day forth. My grades fell back into check and I graduated magna cum laude in the end.

While I did decide to take matters into my own hands at university, this isn't necessarily the lesson I want to teach today. If you are being bullied or harassed at school or university, report it. Don't let anyone say that you are weak, pathetic, or deserve to die. By letting a bully get to you, you're letting them have that control over you. No one said life is easy, and take it from me, growing up is the hardest part of it. That's not to say that being an adult is any easy either - even LGBT adults face the same crap we went through as teenagers...it's a never ending battle. But never ever let someone tell you that your life is not worth living, not even for a second. Despite all the stuff that people say and do to you, in spite of all the hate that is in the world, there are many like you who have weathered the storm and come through beaten and bruised, but stronger and wiser. When I look back at those years now, it was only because of sheer determination and the company of a few loving friends that I was able to put things behind me and put at end to the bullying.

In the face of all that you are going through now, it gets better.

It really does.

To submit your video and view others, click here.

Papa Don't Preach

2010-09-28T22:34:00.002+04:00

I Like Anal Sex With Goats

2010-09-27T09:04:00.003+04:00

This was pretty much what was filling up my Twitter feed yesterday - people confessing their new-found fetish for goat-love.

At first it appeared on a couple of my gay friends on Twitter, which led me to consider if this was some new 'coming out' lingo building up to Coming Out Day on Oct 11th. But then other people started posting the same thing, so I figured that it was some kind of annoying Twitter bug (again).

The Oatmeal was one of the poor souls who was sucked into this goat orgy, but was quick to declare his views on the subject:

After enduring a good half an hour of goat tweets, I decided to tweet:

I like anal sex with men <--- this is a genuine tweet.

All the goat jokes aside, you know what would have been REALLY funny? If the bug had hit accounts such as Obama, Oprah, Dalai Lama, or any of the celebs. Think how funny this would look:

@Oprah: I like anal sex with goats
@kinggayle: WTF?
@aplusk: Twitpic or it didn't happen.

Call Me

2010-09-06T11:31:00.008+04:00

We've all been there - the long hold times, the constant transferring to other departments, the useless ticket numbers, and those awkward times when all you hear is heavy breathing on the other line as the 'system processes your request'. Having read this post on the frustrations when dealing with call centers, I decided to share what I believe are the "10 commandments of call centers".

The 10 commandments of call centers

1. Phone numbers are for wimps
The new craze is to use your company name instead of a support phone number. So a support number will now read as 800-SUPPORT rather than an actual number. I had an annoying time trying to dial 800-BANK to find out that it was spelt 800-BANQUE.

2. Always give the customer plenty of menu choices.
Dial 1 for Arabic, 2 for English, 3 for Swahli, 4 for Klingon, and 5 for Morse code. Nothing satisfies a customer than having to hear a long list of options only to find out that the option they want isn't on the menu they've selected. Also, it's a good idea to make the most requested option the last one on the menu list.

3. Be wise when selecting your on-hold music
Nothing is soother to listen to than your corporate garbage or Kenny G stuck in an infinite loop. At least with Kenny G you can visualize yourself sitting at a Starbucks with a nice coffee. And if you really want to appear 'hip and trendy' to your callers, just use one of the local radio stations as your on-hold music. After all, who wouldn't want to call up to listen to annoying hyperactive douchebag at the radio station from hell?

4. The customer's name is not important
When you ask for the customer's name, make sure you write it down. Then, remove the third letter and replace it with K. Swap around at least two of the vowels, and add a T or F in the middle. If unfortunately you did not attend high school or have passed any grade of English spelling, feel free to play around with the letters until you come up with something that is 2% similar to the customer's name. "Hi there - this is Alex" "Hello mister Lexy!"

5. Always ask for something you know the customer won't have
A great technique for quickly disposing of a caller is to ask them for information that they will never possess, such as their complete 20 digit account number, their white blood cell count, or what they ate for lunch three weeks ago. If by some miracle a customer is able to provide you with all the necessary information, replace one of the digits and alert the customer that the information they're providing is incorrect.

6. Never underestimate the joy of outsourcing
Thanks to today's falling labor prices, companies are able to direct all their customer support to offshore sites. It isn't at all a requirement for the customer support to be in the same location or time zone as the customer, so when a customer calls and you've just started the graveyard shift, feel free to act irritated and uninterested until you get your dose of caffeine.

7. Repetition is the key
If a customer says "What?", make sure you repeat at least the last three sentences over to them, preferably in a slow, monotone voice that you would use when trying to negotiate with a charging rhino.

8. Customers love to get ticket numbers
If a customer won't stop talking and it's getting close to your lunch break, give them a ticket number. Ticket numbers are great for giving customers false hope that their problem has been put into a 'queue' for resolution.

9. Don't let a customer scream at you
If a customer gets angry, put them on hold. There is nothing more soothing than some quality time with Kenny G.

10. Offer to be helpful at all times
Even if you haven't solved the customer's problem, thank them for calling you and ask if there is anything else you can help with. When customers hear this, they will feel appreciated and will certainly call again to report a problem.

EDIT: Why I'd rather be punched in the testicles than call customer service

Music Monday

2010-08-30T08:29:00.001+04:00

Music Monday

2010-08-23T08:29:00.003+04:00

Today's Music Monday goes out to Rob from Channel 4 FM, for giving me a great start to the day!

Follow all the madness of the iMorningZoo here!

I Am Not A Robot

2010-08-20T14:10:00.003+04:00

Technology never ceases to amaze me. Today I had the pleasure of dealing with my first automated telephone operator when I called a shopping mall desk to try to get the phone number of one of their stores.

OP: Hello! Welcome to ________! (Arabic voice instructing to press 1 or 2 for language)
Me: (presses 2)
OP: What would you like to inquire? About?
Me: Shop inquiry
OP: Okay then. Shop Inquiry. Please say the name of the shop you would like to inquire about
Me: Emirates Computers
OP: I'm sorry. I did not understand that. Please say the name of the shop you would like to inquire about
Me: EMIRATES COMPUTERS
OP: Okay. You said European Jewellery. Is this correct? Please say Yes or No
Me: NO
OP: Please say the name of the shop you would like to inquire about
Me: EMMMIIIRRRAAAAYYTESSSS KOMPUUUTERZZZZ
OP: Okay. You said European Jewellery. Is this correct? Please say Yes or No
Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I'm just going to fucking drive over to the mall and visit the damn store myself.

Life Is A Flower

2010-08-18T11:49:00.002+04:00

To my secret admirer,

I know I've got my little delivery already on my birthday, but if there ever was another time that I could use a little cheering up, it would be now.

xxx

Music Monday

2010-08-16T09:41:00.000+04:00

Say It Isn't So

2010-08-14T16:38:00.003+04:00

Ramadan began this week in Dubai, and the first thing that I see is how everything suddenly becomes about food. I drive along SZR and there are adverts for KFC, Hardees, and Pizza Hut, offering spectacular 'Ramadan Meals'. Not to be offensive, but I really don't think anyone in their right mind would want to break their fast with 3 pieces of chicken and a Pepsi. Magazines scream "Dubai's most stylish Iftar buffets" and "Best Iftar deals around!", truly forgetting that Iftar isn't for shoveling food into your mouth. Then of course, there is the relentless advertising by hotels for their 'Iftar buffets'. As someone who regularly plans office events, I'm pretty much on every hotel's mailing list, so this week my Inbox has been flooded with deals from various hotel chains in town. It's sad to see that something as meaningful as Iftar has been hijacked by many hotels as a frantic bid to stay in business during these coming weeks.

I decided to head over to a hotel's Iftar buffet yesterday just to see what all the commotion was about. At AED 150 per person, it was a scene reminiscent of Dubai's fabled Friday brunches. People piling food on to plates, chefs running around replenishing dwindling trays of food, children running around tables, and people with nauseating looks on their faces as they polished off their third plate of food. As someone who was invited to a family Iftar last year, this hotel scene is very different from what I experienced at my friend's place. We sat down to trays of rice, roast chicken, bread, vegetables, salad, and a seemingly endless supply of watermelon and fresh fruit. There was conversation, laughter, sharing, more laughter, and a real feeling of community. As a non-Muslim, it was a tremendous privilege to be a part of this family Iftar, and it certainly bested any bland hotel buffet.

Wiki defines Iftar as "the evening meal when Muslims break their fast during the Islamic month of Ramadan. Iftar is one of the religious observances of Ramadan and is often done as a community, with people gathering to break their fast together." This is exactly my point - Iftars are a personal affair, and focus more on the bringing together of people than the food itself. It is a wonderful thing to be a part of, and as such I highly recommend the Iftar at the Sheikh Mohammed Centre for Cultural Understanding, which offers a more traditional and enjoyable Iftar. I'm not saying that you should boycott hotel buffets or anything, but instead of shelling out money to go for an all-you-can-eat fiasco, just have a meal at home with friends and donate the cash you've saved to charity.

Ramadan Kareem to you all!

Music Monday

2010-08-09T10:04:00.003+04:00

One of the things that pops up on Twitter is #MusicMonday, where people post what music they're listening to. I've decided to try and make this a weekly feature on the blog, so prepare to be inundated with my very random taste in music.

For today, these are the following songs I certainly recommend listening to:

Let's Call The Whole Thing Off

2010-08-08T09:15:00.002+04:00

This is why it's always a good idea to go through your Junk folder, just for laughs.

Hello Dear,

My name is Loyce, honest and nice looking girl .i am 24yrs old 165cm tall,chocolate skinned,with brown sexy eye balls looking for a man who can be a true friend and a close confidant,so i checked the site of acquaintance and found your profile very interesting and i would love for us to have communication.so please mail me on my email address and lets know each other better. have a lovely,beautiful,love filled week ahead as i expect your mail remember age and distance should not be a barrier to finding true friendship,it should not limit us from discovering the beauty that lies in between us ok, and i will send you my photo and tell you more about myself as soon as i get a mail from you thanks.
Kiss
Loyce

Ice Cream Truck

2010-08-07T08:18:00.002+04:00

Words

fail

me.

I Got It Bad

2010-07-30T16:37:00.002+04:00

If as a parent, you wonder if you child is gay, there is indeed a very simple thing that you can do to find out:

Better The Devil You Know

2010-07-27T02:15:00.004+04:00

Over the years, I've been asked all kinds of questions about my sexuality and the whole 'being gay' thing. Some questions are legitimate while others are just plain stupid. So in an effort to satisfy your knowledge of les gays, I've put together a quick FAQ which I hope you will all find useful. Enjoy!

Being gay does not mean I'm allergic to sports.
I am attracted to other gay men, not straight men. I do not enjoy barking up the wrong tree.
No, I don't fucking read Perez Hilton's blog or have anything to do with him.
Brokeback Mountain was a decent film. However please don't assume that all gay men like to have tent sex on some mountain.
Sex and the City is not our Bible.
Just because I'm gay doesn't mean that I can't whoop your ass if I needed to.
"If we allow gay marriage, then what's next, People marrying animals?" <-- I shit myself laughing when I hear this.
Being gay does not mean I aspire to be a woman. Don't make me come over there and prove that I've got a penis.
The fact you're worried that I'd fuck your boyfriend says far more about your relationship than it does about me.
Gay couples don't obsess over who's the 'husband' and who's the 'wife'. So stop fucking asking us.
Not all gay men want to belt out Cher numbers at karaoke.
Not all gays can tell the difference between 'Pink' and 'Fuchsia'. But there is a difference.
If you want to say something is stupid, please don't say "That's so gay".
Gays = evil, evil=devil, therefore devil is gay. Think about it - he's horny and flaming.
Just because I'm gay does not mean I'm going to hell. Come up with a better catchphrase.
Sister, if your boyfriend wants to be in a threesome with another man, he's gay.
Not all gay men go clubbing. Some of us spend time at home watching a movie or reading. Shocking, I know.
Even some gay men don't understand what 'gaydar' is.
A straight man can wear pink and still be a man. As long as it's not the same color as pink highlighter pen.
Gay men make great uncles who can spoil your kids and dress them up in fab gear because you're shit broke.
Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I want to attend your bachelorette party or baby shower. Thank you for the invite though.
If you're clean-shaven, it does not mean you're gay.
If a gay man flirts with a straight man, that is a massive compliment. It means you also have a backup plan.
When a gay man is drunk, he does not become straight, he just gains a fascination with female anatomy.
Gay is NOT contagious.
No, we don't go into the changing rooms at cK and dry-hump the posters.
I'm gay and I own electronic devices that are not vibrators.
No it doesn't hurt. And it actually feels really good. If it hurts, you're not doing it right.
I am not afraid of the word "vagina". Its a word. I will however, not inspect it on your behalf.
Yes, I CAN know that I'm gay even if I've never tried having sex with a girl. Deal with it.
Stop asking us if we watch Queer Eye for the Straight Guy or any other gay-friendly programming.
Gay men aren't out to 'convert' straight men like a religious cult. "Hello, care to hear about the healing power of cock?"
Gay men play video games too.
Not every gay guy creams himself over Jake Gyllenhaal.
If a gay guy comes out, support and love him. Don't assume that he's about to do drag.
Girls, please stop saying "Oh what a waste!" when you find out a guy is gay. It is NOT a compliment.
Lesbians aren't the natural enemy of gay men. Homophobes are.
Ladies, just because we're gay doesn't mean we want to know that you're on your period. Hokay?
It is entirely possible for a gay man to not giggle like a schoolgirl at the mention of the number 69.
We all have the ability to talk like a stereotypical gay man with a lisp. Most of us just choose not to.
It's unfortunate, but gay men can and do get crushes on straight friends. It does not however mean we want to give you a blowjob.
If you're on Manjam.com, admit it. I have an account because it amuses me greatly to see men searching for 'soulmates' on it.
Like most women, we too don't like it when 35 minutes into a date the other guy is taking his pants off.
I'm gay, not "a" gay. Learn the fucking difference, bitch.
I'm gay, not a cookbook. ...or a hair stylist. ...or a make-up artist. ...or a florist. ...or a porn star....
3 months is not a long term relationship. Period.
Gay men ARE NOT A BREED OF MAN. "Oh, you're gay! I have a gay friend, you should totally meet!" Seriously.
When a group of gay man decide to go on a trip, it doesn't necessarily mean they will spend days in a roman orgy.
Gay men who moan about how men are shit have been dumped. Get over it. You're making the rest of us look bad.
Looking at a naked woman to me is like looking at a chair: I'm quite indifferent to it. The difference is I WILL find a use for the chair
Not every gay man worships Madonna. But it IS true that 95% of gay men will like at least one Madonna song... the other 5% are in denial.
A dance song with a big black diva singing, 'It's all right' or 'Be yourself' or any variation on that theme will become a gay dance classic.
Every gay at one point catwalks down the hall to a pop song. Beyonce gets the best of all of us.
Men, like lottery tickets, should not be had every day. The odds are the same.
Gay men can wear other colors besides pink. It's not like we're going against a gay code or anything.
You don't HAVE to love Will&Grace to be a respectable gay man.
Ladies, when a guy says he's gay. Don't fall for him. He's not going to change his mind.
Not all gay men aspire to wear women's clothes. Most are quite happy in men's garments.
Rosie O'Donnell is not the emperor of gay people and sometimes just needs to shut up. (Ellen is cool however).
Gay life can be empty and depressing, but bitching about it outside the confines of a few close friends will get you tagged as bitter.

Common People

2010-07-12T13:29:00.007+04:00

I love my phone.

And not just because it's pink and has stickers like "I love the UPS guy" on it, but because my phone is a doorway for a flood of entertaining spam to try and get through. When I'm not frantically deleting SMS messages about international phone rates, or special offers at an overpriced steakhouse, I'm dealing with complete morons calling me up for random customer service surveys or some other shit.

A new thing I've discovered is that word has got out that I have a lot of money and need to invest it somewhere as clearly I'm a complete moron when it comes to saving and apparently stuffing wads of cash under my mattress isn't a great idea. But back to my phone call - I got a call from a 'reputed financial advisor' who has probably called at least four of the people reading this blog post. By the end of the conversation I had caused myself a serious hernia from holding in my laughter, as well as making the guy feel about 2 inches tall.

So if you're tired of random strangers calling you up and telling you that they have a better idea what you can do with your money, then read on:

(phone rings)
me: Hello?
Caller: Hi there! This is Daniel calling from _________ - am I speaking to Mr. _______?
me: Yes you are
Caller: (exploding with excitement that I'm the first person who's not told him to fuck off yet) OH HI THERE!
me: Hiiii.........
D: How are you?
me: I'm doing good - doing really good!
D: Do you have a few moments to talk?

(At this point I've now stepped away from my desk at work, having made up my mind to compeletly screw this guy into oblivion)

me: sure go ahead - what can I help you with?
D: Oh great - well I got your contact from a colleague of mine.....
me: oh really? Which colleague was that?
D: Sorry?
me: Who did you get my number from?
D: Oh right - sorry! I got it from my colleague Sayed - he said you'd be keen to hear what we can offer you.
me: Sayed? Sayed..Sayed....Oh yes Sayed! I remember him! (I've never known anyone with that name in my life!)
D: That's great! So..
me: I didn't know he was working for _______ now! That's great news! How's he doing?
D: Uh - yea he's doing good now... (clearly bullshitting along with me at this point)
me: Oh that's really good to hear - I didn't hear back from him after his divorce
D: Yea - well he's a good guy, he's doing much better now
me: That's great - well do pass on my regards!
D: Oh yea, I will....
me: Great - so Daniel, what can I help you with?
D: (breathing a very loud sigh of relief) Ok great! Well as I said I'm calling from ________ and just wanted to talk to you about a new package that we've launched that I think you'd be interested in.
me: Sure - go for it!

(Proceeds to go on long-winded description of said package and financial benefit, and how over a period of years I can reap the benefits bla bla bla)

D: So how does that sound?
me: Well it sounds quite interesting actually
D: That's great - just what I wanted to hear. I can come and meet you in person to talk to you about the package some more as well as answer any questions you may have. Can I just ask you a few basic questions?
me: Sure no problem - go ahead!
D: Excellent - so I'm assuming that you're British?

I'm going to pause at this point and say a couple of things. Firstly, I'm not British. Secondly, I honestly understand why the guy would have made this mistake because I have a lot of British coworkers, and over the past 4 years their accent has rubbed off a bit into the way I talk. But I digress...

me: Actually, I'm not British, I'm Indian.
D: Oh really? So sorry about that - I couldn't quite place your accent...really sorry about that.
me: That's okay.
D: So moving on, can I ask what salary you are on?
me: salary?
D: Yes salary - how much do you earn per month?
me: Oh I don't earn anything per month
D: Sorry?
me: I don't work
D: So you're unemployed?
me: No, I don't work because I don't need to
D: Er - so you don't have a permanent job in the UAE?
me: No, I don't have a permanent job, I mostly do freelance work if I want to
D: (clearly disappointed) Okay, so you're not working full time at the moment then. Do you have any funds or assets here in the UAE?
me: Yes, I have some money here in a savings account
D: (clearly not interested at this point) Oh okay, so how much do you have in savings?
me: I think about 2
D: 2?
me: Yea, about 2 maybe, it might be a bit more or less.
D: 2 what? Thousand?
me: Oh no, 2 million
D: 2 MILLION?
me: Yes about 2 million I think
D: Are you serious?
me: Of course I'm serious
D: No seriously, you have 2 million in savings?
me: Yes, why do you think I do only freelance?
D: Wow - I mean really, you have 2 million in your bank account?
me: Is that a problem?
D: No no, of course not! No problem at all! (I can hear him hyperventilating at this point) We can certainly help you invest that money so you can get a quicker return!
me: Oh but I've already got someone for that
D: Sorry?
me: yes, yes, I am working with _______ from ________ who is helping me with my investments quite well for the past couple of months
D: Oh okay, so you wouldn't be interested in meeting with me to discuss any help with your finances?
me: No, I think I'm quite happy with _________
D: Okay then, well thanks a lot for your time and have a great day, but do feel free to call me if you need anything at all.
me: Sure, no problems at all!
D: Okay - well bye then!
me: Oh, Daniel?
D: Yes?
me: Could you please give me Sayed's number? It would be great to catch up with him after so long!
D: You know I'll just ask him to call you back instead if that's okay with you
me: Sure, no problem at all - have a great day Daniel!
D: Bye. (click)

Meri Marzi

2010-07-02T11:55:00.006+04:00

For those of you who've been catching my Twitter feed, you'll know that I was in India this past week, and while I was there I lost my very swanky Olympus camera. Luckily on my last day before flying back to Dubai, I managed to get it back. So for your entertainment, here's an account of what happened:

Tuesday - took a 'cool cab' from the hotel to the office with laptop and camera in tow. Got up to the office and realized two hours later that I had left the camera in the cab. I call the hotel and inform them to call me if anyone hands it in. My coworkers happily inform me that I should kiss my camera goodbye.

Wednesday - still no sign of the camera, and nothing turned into the hotel.

Thursday - check out of the hotel and inquire one last time if a camera has been handed in. Concierge turns up with nothing so I woefully check out of the hotel and call for a cab.

Now here's where life gets hilarious - as fate would have it, the same cab driver pulls up to the hotel. Clearly I've got the memory of a goldfish, so I fail to recognize him but he instantly knows who I am as we pull out of the hotel parking. He then proceeds to refresh my memory by saying that he has picked me up from the hotel before, and if I have lost anything. I sit bolt upright in my seat and in my 3rd grade Hindi tell him that I've misplaced my camera. The chap then tells me (to my surprise) that he handed it in to the hotel on Tuesday night. With a bellowing "VAPAS!!" (translation: 'go back') to the driver, he makes a 180 turn in the middle of the road and tears down towards the hotel. He pulls up to the taxi queue at the back of the hotel and proceeds to explain to his boss and the security guard what exactly my predicament is. Within 20 seconds, there is a small mob of drivers around my cab, eagerly trying to find out what's going on, while my driver is spinning a tale about how close he came to missing me etc. After what seems like ages, one of the hotel security staff emerges with my camera in tow - he hands over my camera, apologizes for the delay, and the whole escapade is over.

Of course, not without first taking a photo of my heroes:

I love India.

Fire with Fire

2010-06-30T07:29:00.008+04:00

Eat, Pray, Love.

I've just finished reading this book and can't wait to recommend it for my next book club meeting. While I would love to sit here and describe to you in detail what the book is about, that's not the purpose of this post. What I will tell you is a couple of things I'd like to share with you

Eat - the first word of the book's title encourages us to eat; to enjoy food to the supreme. This of course does not equal gluttony, but merely suggests that food is more than something to satiate our basic hunger. Food evokes emotion as well - it conjures memories of childhood meals, joins people together in celebration, and stirs passion in the heart of a cook. Enjoy the food that you eat and appreciate the effort and flavour that goes into it. I'm not saying that you mosey on down to your nearest Mc Donalds and analyze the structural prowess of a Big Mac, but learn to enjoy the food that you eat and the satisfaction that it can bring you.
Even if you don't believe in it, pray - while the author goes to great lengths to believe in the power of prayer and 'find God', you'd be surprised just how straightforward it can be. So many people say that when they've prayed for something, they've always got what they needed in some form of the other. Prayer is a powerful thing, and it is the act itself that sets the wheels of the universe in motion - the fact that you can concentrate all of your will into a singular thought, one prayer, one iota of hope that you will receive what you ask for, is truly what drives you towards that goal.
Give thanks - be thankful for what you have in your life and what has been given to you. The age old tale "there's always someone who's worse off than you" is very true, though when it's being thrown at you by your mom it loses its effect. Be thankful that you woke up to go through another day. Be thankful that you have a job. Be thankful that you have people in your life that love you. Be thankful for every single blessing that comes your way, and even be thankful for the bad times in life, as they only come your way to show yourself that you can get through pretty much anything that life can throw at you.
Truly learn to love - while many will attribute love to a relationship, this is not always the case. Love surrounds, envelops, and cradles us in times when we think we cannot push forward. Love comes from friends, family, pets, and everything around us. If you are able to truly love something in your life, that love will never disappoint or desert you. This may sound like something from a Hallmark card, but I'm talking from personal experience here. In times where I would think that my life had little meaning, I would remember all the people in my life who loved me and enjoyed spending time with me - the effects can be remarkable.
Learn to let go - the sooner you realize that you don't control your life, the easier things are going to be. People spend ridiculous amounts of time in their life trying to control everything and trying to make sure that things go exactly as they want them to. And when they don't turn out the right way, it leaves this feeling of disappointment that can often be hard to get over. You can of course control (to an extent) what job you get, what friends you have, or even who you get as a partner, but outside of that everything is left to the cogs of the universe.

And to kind of wrap things up, here's a sneak peek at the upcoming movie based on the book:

Party To Uranus

2010-06-08T21:23:00.001+04:00

You have to fucking see it to believe it.

Could You Be Loved

2010-05-29T20:28:00.002+04:00

As per tradition, I got my yearly email from Futureme.org, and it's kinda spooky how accurate things have turned out!

Dear FutureMe,

I decided to send this email out a few days after your birthday, simply because I wanted it to appear on a random day. Truth be told, I could have sent it to you in August if I wanted to piss you off, but I think I'm too nice to do that to you. Happy Belated Birthday by the way.
So let's get the regular stuff out of the way - you're single but happy with it, and most likely you've moved in with that insane couple (you know who I'm talking about) or you've finally got you own place (but you spend 90% of your time at their house anyway). You're in the same job and the stress is getting to you, but know your job there's little you can do about it. Hopefully your travel plans this year are a bit more exciting? Please for the love of god don't go to UK again and call that a vacation - go someplace new for a change!

I really don't want to spend the rest of this email listing out what has and has not happened for you, but instead I want to remind you of a few things that you may have forgotten about.

You are an amazing, AMAZING person. Never EVER change for anyone or lose sight of who you are. This may sound like some sentimental crap that I've stolen from a Hallmark card, but it's seriously the truth. Stop spending time in your day dreaming about things to come or 'what if' scenarios. Screw all of that and live in the MOMENT. You are funny, fabulous, and a fantastic friend to the lucky few who know you. One day someone will be lucky enough to have you all to themselves, but until then you are destined to enjoy life and have some truly amazing experiences and opportunities. Life will never stand still for you, and the world loves you because of that.

So go out and live a little every once in a while - you are fucking worth it.

Love always,

PastMe

P.S Hope your birthday was a blast! Karaoke again I assume?

Happy Birthday

2010-05-22T18:21:00.003+04:00

To my anonymous admirer,

Thank you once again for the flowers :)

In other news, Happy Birthday to me!

Levity

2010-05-14T11:12:00.000+04:00

Not that kind

2010-05-08T08:02:00.003+04:00

I'd like to share something with you all. I really like socializing with most straight men. And before you pull the old 'oh he just wants to get into his pants' card, let me explain.

The reason I like having straight men in my life is because they're just so easy to get along with. You know beforehand that you're not going to end up sleeping with this guy, so you can sit down and have a thoroughly entertaining conversation with him without the fear that he's going to whip out his family jewels. The best part about most of the straight men in my life is that I can flirt uncontrollably with them and they don't bat an eyelid - in fact, some of them even enjoy the extra attention.

What I don't like is when I hear gay men trying to 'convert' straight men - this ain't any on-off switch honey, so don't bother. 'Converting' straight men sounds just way too cumbersome and almost makes gay people sound like some sort of cult - or even worse, like the lunatics who come around your houses asking if you've welcomed Jesus in your life.

I mean, can you really see this 'conversion' scenario happening:

*knock* *knock*
Straight man: Yes?
Gay man: Hi there sir! I'm here to talk to you about the healing power of cock!

Me thinks not.

Goodbye My Lover

2010-04-14T19:32:00.003+04:00

So I finally did it. I permanently deleted my Facebook profile. No more friend friend requests from university idiots that I don't care about. No more pokes. No more fucking Farmville updates. No more fucking vampire / werewolf / mafia invites. Just plain and pure SERENITY. Personally speaking, I've got the contact info of whoever is worth keeping in touch with, and everyone else can just look me up if they want to. After all, a whore like me certainly leaves tracks behind on cyberspace.

In the place of Facebook however, I am now a full-time Twitter user. And I love it. I actually enjoy spending time on Twitter because I have fun as well as serious conversations with some absolutely amazing people that I would have never otherwise have met. We talk about everything under the sun, and best of all, we actually meet up in real life - be it for birthdays, fish dinners, or film festivals! I'm now a bonafide Twitter expert, and I love every single one of my 'tweeps'.

You know who you are ;)

I'm Beautiful Damnit

2010-03-27T16:45:00.002+04:00

This Thursday was an absolutely fantastic one because I headed down and attended Dubai Twestival. I'm a huge Twitter person now as I've given up on Facebook almost entirely, and unlike Facebook I actually enjoy being on Twitter. Don't get me wrong, when I attended my first Twitter meetup I was sitting at a table of strangers wondering "What the hell am I doing here and who the heck are these people?". Thankfully, those strangers turned out to be truly wonderful people, and they've become great Twitter buddies since.

To describe Dubai Twestival as "electric" would be an understatement - this year it was really pulled off in style, thanks to the generous people down at the Intercontinental Hotel in Festival City. Support sponsor du was also out in full force, complete with blue and pink bean bags and foam 'du' logos floating above. I of course met up with the familiar faces there, and then proceeded to do what I do best - mingle amongst the wonderful Twitter folk who follow my various rants. There were marketing managers, mums, film makers, photographers, housewives, students, and people from all walks of life. Though it felt like one big party, we were all there to support Concern, and thanks to a generous contribution from du, we raised a total amount of USD$ 35,010, which was simply phenomenal.

It was a night filled with great company, food, and plenty of conversation. And most importantly, it shows that Twitter is more than just "a site to tell people what you're eating" as some uneducated people put it. It is a living, breathing community, a thousand voices strong, void of nationality, age, gender, or religion, that makes 140 characters sound like tomorrow's next bestseller.

One Love

2010-03-18T07:30:00.006+04:00

The purpose of this blog post is to contribute to The March 18 Movement.

Millions of us around the world own blogs. Our blogs serve to educate, critique, entertain, and narrate a host of opinions to a universal platform. Most of us blog with a relative amount of anonymity, but in this digital age, what does "anonymous" truly mean? Sure, we can use pseudo names, different email addresses and the like, but as most of us know, we aren't really 'anonymous' on the Internet.

The point I'm to make here is this: do some of us compromise on what we blog about because we fear the repercussions? The short answer of course, is yes. We may not consciously do it, but our brains instantly red-flag something inappropriate while we're composing our posts, and the faithful backspace key does what it does best. But surely this defeats the purpose of blogging and of free speech? Some may agree, while others say that this form of self-censorship regulates what we blog about, so that our blogs don't turn into an all-out bitch fest. I myself have had a mixed relationship with my blog - what started as a hobby many years ago turned into something much bigger that brought me readers from across the globe and connected me to so many wonderful people. But I'm glad I started up this blog, because not only has it helped me deal with some of the things in my life, it's also helped other people (shocking I know) who've recently come out or are going through some of the problems I faced when I was coming out.

So to all of you out there who blog tirelessly about cats, war, elections, freedom, baking, politics, fashion, democracy and an eternal selection of other topics, I say "thank you".

Toy Soldiers

2010-03-02T21:40:00.008+04:00

I have a love/hate relationship with ATMs. Whenever I really need to use them, they never manage to spit out any cash - some nonsense about insufficient funds or such. Anyway, the other day I had to get some cash deposited into my account rather than carry it around with me like some idiot with a ROB ME sign on my forehead. The nearest cash deposit machine was at MOE, so I decided to drive there after work for a bit and then head home.

So I head over to MOE, slide into a parking spot with all the finesse of Knight Rider, and head towards my bank branch. As luck would have it, there was no one at the cash deposit machine, so I gleefully walked up to it, popped in my card, and watched the machine slurp up my bank notes. Everything is going swimmingly at point, and the machine politely displays "Please wait for your receipt". So I stand there and wait. And wait. And wait.

10 minutes zoom past, and by now a couple of people have queued up behind me, patiently waiting their turn. Then from out of nowhere this bitch in the queue says to me "Excuse me, are you standing here doing something?" To which I reply "Not really, I'm standing here because I've got nothing else to do in the mall" which promptly shut the bitch up.

It's now been 15 minutes and the machine still stupidly displays "Please wait for your receipt" while the people behind me are running out of floor tiles to count. Some random guy in a suit the walks up to the machine and attempts to brush past me, but I cooly slide back in front of him and say "Yes, I don't know if you've noticed but there's a queue here", and flamboyantly gesture at the tiny crowd that's now formed behind me. He takes one look at them and promptly walks off - I guess he wasn't in any hurry to deposit cash after all.

20 minutes have gone by and I'm patiently ignoring the little voice in my head that's telling me to do what Chuck Norris would do - break the damn machine with my fists and take my money back. By some miracle, one of the bank's staff ambles over, only because the crowd outside the machine is turning into a bit of an angry mob.

This is a word for word account of what happened:

A man wearing an over-sized light brown suit approaches me. He has a receding hairline which has been combed into a slick side parting, and has a rather dumbfounded look on his face. In short, he looks like Mr. Bean.
Bean: What is the problem sir?
Me: I've deposited cash into this machine but it hasn't given me a receipt
Bean: You put cash or cheque?
Me: I just said, I put in cash
Bean: Ah okay. Just checking sir. So what is the problem now?
Me: The problem is I don't have a receipt for my deposit
Bean: (seems slightly stunned, and stares at the display as if deciphering some hidden Matrix-type code)
Me: So do I stand here and pray for a receipt?
Bean: Sorry sir?
Me: Am I going to get a receipt or not?
Bean: It is coming sir, machine is stuck maybe. Server is down.
Me: Which one is it - is it coming, is the machine stuck or is the server down?
Bean: Just wait sir (proceeds to hold down the ENTER, CANCEL, and ERROR buttons, like a primitive Ctrl+Alt+Del. Nothing happens)
Me: Yea, I don't think that does anything
Bean: (looks like his world is coming to an end) Can I have your card please sir and ID?
Me: ( hands over bank card and ID)
Bean: (scurries off to a teller while I watch him like a hawk - he comes back in 5 minutes) Here you go sir - receipt.

I Wanna Be Evil

2010-02-13T18:35:00.003+04:00

IKEA

is

evil.

For those of you who know me, this post is going to be very contradicting to read, simply because ever since IKEA landed in Dubai years ago (back in Deira City Centre) I was completely in love with the store. No trip to City Centre was complete without a visit to IKEA and hauling home something that I really didn't need.

Take this weekend for example. I needed to get a decent shoe rack for our new place, and I was going to be near Festival City anyway, so I decided to pop into IKEA and pick up one if they had what I was looking for. Now I personally think that the person who designed the IKEA stores was also responsible for designing the set of the Crystal Maze. Suppose you want to head over to the bedroom section to look at sheets - you have to walk through the whole fucking store before you get to where you need to be. So naturally, my shoe rack was held in the "No one can find this place without GPS" area. Trudging through the living rooms, kitchen, bathroom, work area, and bedrooms, I finally end up in the correct section and spot a decent enough shoe cabinet that will house about 16 pairs of shoes. Great - now to pick it up. This is of course where the evil humor really kicks in. Since IKEA simply love 'flat packing' everything from a bed down to a laundry basket, the shoe rack isn't actually available for pick up until I go to the ground floor warehouse and locate it on the correct aisle. So I scribble down the location and press on through the rest of the store. By the way, if you tend to notice 'shortcuts' to other sections of the store, don't take them - they just fool you into walking around another section all over again. By this point I'm halfway through the store, dehydrated and slowly losing the will, to live. Luckily the Swedish geniuses thought of this as well, and figured that it would be a great idea to put a restaurant in the middle of the store, where you can pay 25 bucks for microwaved salmon.

I finally manage to navigate my way to the warehouse through the swarms of people lugging their bright yellow plastic bags filled to the brim with glassware, candles, sticks, and other delightful finds. I accelerate towards aisle 24B where my shoe cabinet is kept, and slide the seemingly 2-ton box onto my trolley. An hour later, I'm dragging the box into my living room and tear into it with all the excitement of a kid getting an Xbox at Christmas. But my joy is short-lived, as all I find in the box are 20 planks of wood, a pictorial instruction sheet that requires several gigahertz of processing power to understand, and a packet of screws and wooden pegs that is supposedly sufficient enough to hold this behemoth of a show rack together.

Forty five minutes later, I've given up. The wonderful staff at the store failed to mention that this particular cabinet needs to be nailed to the wall, a feat which my gay genes just cannot comprehend the logistics of. So at this very moment there's a coffin-sized half-built shoe cabinet in the middle of my living room, while my shoes have found a new home in an empty Masafi carton by the door.

My humor with IKEA doesn't end there - I love how everything is branded "IKEA of Sweden". Sweden my ass - the label should read "Designed by IKEA of Sweden. Manufactured by J J Prakash & Sons LLC" And what the hell is up with the names of some of their products? There's a BINTJE storage box, a STRIND table, INDIRA bedspread, a MOKERN shower curtain, a EKTORP PIXBO sofa, and a YNGSJÖ tealight holder.

YNGSJÖ?

Are you FAKHNG kidding me?

We Are The World

2010-02-12T14:32:00.000+04:00

Under My Skin

2010-01-09T20:45:00.003+04:00

I'm typing this from my hotel in London, where it is currently a comfortable 0 degrees, and it's snowing outside. Now while I don't exactly enjoy walking outside when the wind is blowing into my face, it's still a wonderful sight to behold, as the streets and cars are covered in a thin, delicate, perfect blanket of snow. Since this is officially my first every snowfall, I looked like a complete idiot today walking down the street with my mouth wide open to catch snowflakes, looking instead as if I was waiting for a cock to fall from the sky. Anyhoo, I hardly had any sleep on my flight here and technically I should be worn out and crabby, but I've just spent the entire afternoon shopping in Oxford street, so I'm in great spirits. Oh and some Red Velvet cupcakes help as well. ;)

Happy New Year

2010-01-01T13:38:00.000+04:00

To all my wonderful readers, thank you for being with me through 2009, and hope that this year has nothing but great things in store for you :)

Happy New Year!

Christmas Time

2009-12-28T15:04:00.001+04:00

Wish this would happen at Dubai airport!

I Love Christmas

2009-12-26T01:31:00.002+04:00

In order to spread some of my wonderful Christmas cheer, here's a video that I stumbled across on YouTube - please take note of the guy's rather obvious boner throughout the song!

Merry Christmas bitches!

Wake Up And Smell The Coffee

2009-12-20T10:32:00.005+04:00

A while back I posted about the translation gap between men and women, and how when one says something it actually means something totally opposite. Well, this phenomenon also happens in gay men - from reading through the countless profiles that I've come across, I've managed to compile a short list of common things that I've read and what exactly they mean:

I live alone = I don't want my neighbors to see you
Looking for fun = My right hand and I are on a break
Discreet = Closet case
Decent = I require at least dinner first before we go back to your place
Need Mr Right = I need you to think I'm Decent (see above)
Long distance relationship = cam2cam
Bi = I'm 'discovering' myself
In a relationship = We're looking for someone to bring the spice back
Athletic = If I suck in my gut I can just see my 2-pack
Work out regularly = The Fitness First sauna is my cruising zone

Yes, I am a bitch.

Just Won't Do

2009-12-18T13:45:00.000+04:00

When words aren't needed:

Never Gonna Give You Up

2009-12-09T20:12:00.002+04:00

Okay, I realize that I've been MIA for longer than usual, so APOLOGIES to all of my faithful readers, and thanks to all of you who dropped me emails to find out where the hell I had gone. Life's just gotten so busy these past few months that I've hardly found time to sit down and pen a few words together! So hopefully this post will bring you all up to speed with what I've been up to.

I've gotten hooked on a new show called "Glee", and I SERIOUSLY recommend you watch it - music and high school drama but not in the cliche way like that High School Musical bullshit. I've sort of weaned myself off Desperate Housewives because until they kill off another bitch, I'm sorry to say that the show has hit a rut for me. On the plus side, I'm also hooked into Brothers and Sisters and just cannot get enough of Ugly Betty either. Yes, I've become somewhat of a TV junkie but who's keeping track? ;) I'm not doing too much on the dating scene either - over the past three months I've met a whopping four men...that's a new celibacy record for me. I think I've pretty much settled in with my single life for the moment, and just taking things as they come by.

An important thing happened in November which I sadly missed blogging about - my blog turned another year older! When I read through some of my older posts I can't help but feel nostalgic - over the years I've talked about so many things with all of you, and I've met some really great people through it as well.

So to all of you, I'm back to blogging and hope to be on full form soon!

Party In The USA

2009-11-04T06:39:00.001+04:00

I don't know if I've posted this before or not, but these boys just made my day!

Thriller

2009-10-31T00:00:00.001+04:00

Happy Halloween everyone!

Confide In Me

2009-10-30T10:38:00.002+04:00

Instead of sleeping in late this Friday, I decided to get up early and head on down to the Bur Juman Pink Walkathon, an event to raise awareness about breast cancer. I went for it last year with friends and it was a really great turnout, and this year was no exception. There were college kids holding up their campus banners and signs. There were cheerleaders with pink pom poms dancing with the crowd. There were aunties in sneakers wearing pink t-shirts on top of their saris. There were 'power joggers' and 'competitive walkers' kitted in their Nike outfits with iPods strapped to their arms. There were bikers, rollerbladers, drummers, pets, and people of every age imaginable. It was an amazing turnout once again, and afterwards we all got to troop into the mall for a spot of shopping. There was a counter selling these adorable cupcakes as well:

So naturally I bought five of them.

Love At First Sight

2009-10-25T08:27:00.001+04:00

I saw this in a store at Dubai Mall over the weekend - can anyone tell me the purpose of outfit #3? A Kylie knock-off perhaps?

Dance With You

2009-10-20T12:23:00.000+04:00

For as long as I can remember, I hated the fact that I was single. Everywhere I looked, I would be reminded about relationships, couples, and all the warm fuzzy feelings that come with having someone in your life. When I came out of the closet, almost instantly my views were fixated on finding that perfect man who would love me and 'complete my world'. As I grew older, I began to feel more insecure about myself, and I adopted the delusion that all of my worries would go away once my "prince charming" arrived to sweep me off my feet.

My quest for the perfect man began early, with an almost inexhaustible list of qualities that he had to posses. A great job, perfect body, good education, financial security, sleek hair - the list went on and on. For every single guy that I went on a date with, I would mentally pull out my checklist and start crossing off what I liked and didn't like about him, completely ignoring the fact that sitting in front of me was a guy who was trying his best to get to know me better. I would scan through countless online profiles, skimming through the interests section to pick out common ground, and scrutinizing every last word in their 'About Me' section, almost as if I was interviewing guys for some sort of executive position at a firm. I would jump from one guy to the next, and wonder why I was having such a hard time finding a guy that I liked. Looking back now, I don't even think I knew then what kind of guy I was looking for. Sure, I had this mental image of what my partner should look like and what kind of qualities he needed to have, but let's face it - what are the chances of any of us finding the exact same match in this world?

My eternal pining for a partner would often really get me down - I too easily fell victim to the 'Bridget Jones' scenario, where I would watch soppy romantic films or read awful novels about these women who never had any luck in love until one day some hero who was their complete opposite came and swept them off their feet. Since I was so busy drowning in self-pity, I was unable to see or appreciate life as a single person. My mind was only fixated on finding a man and starting our little life together. Days went by where I would just sit by myself and dream about sharing an apartment with this wonderful man, cooking for him, going out to social events, spending nights at home - it was like a gay version of a Charles Dickens novel.

It was only a year or so ago when I finally decided that I had had enough. I was tired of beating myself up for 'not being good enough' to find a guy, or wondering when someone would take notice of me and fall completely in love with me. The honest truth is that I have a great life now - I have a fantastic circle of friends, good health, a well paying job, and the freedom to come and go as I please. The important thing I've realized is that anyone who is single needs to cherish the time that they have to themselves, because I'm not kidding here folks, once you're in a relationship you'll wonder where those wonderful single years went. If you're single and hung up about it, don't be - chances are you have a fantastic life but you just haven't seen it yet. I know that one day I'll meet someone and take things from there, but at the moment I'm truly happy with the way things in my life are going. Do I still wish that there was a man in my life? On occasion, I do - but I don't let it control my life anymore. Be proud to be single, and spend your time taking care of yourself, because at the end of the day you are so totally worth it.

I'm Coming Out

2009-10-11T08:08:00.002+04:00

Today is National Coming Out Day - a day for gay, bisexual, lesbian, transgender, and even straight people to come together to talk about the issues affecting LGBT people every day. It's much more than just a day to come flying out of the closet in your chaps - its a day where you embrace who you are and be proud of everything that you've had to overcome.

But above everything, be Proud.

Fame

2009-09-24T06:42:00.003+04:00

Craving for a bit of gayness and laughter to start your day with? I came across this video on YT which certainly is worth sharing!

You can become a fan of Oscar on Facebook here

Patience

2009-09-23T17:33:00.003+04:00

The world of customer service is truly an exciting experience, simply because it's just so diverse. At some places you get the red-carpet treatment, and people will go out of their way to make sure that you're happy and they've solved whatever problem you had. But some other places are run no better than a soup kitchen.

Take today's scenario as an example. I've only realized recently that the SIM card that I've been using for the past 9 years is actually registered in my mum's name. And since I want to get a data package added to it, I figured that the best thing to do would be to first get the SIM in my name. A quick call to the ever helpful support line and the person who answered my call calmly said that all I had to do was to get one of their forms signed by my mum, enter my details on it, and take a valid ID to their nearest branch to get it changed over to my name. So I did just that - got the forms signed, got her passport copy, got my original passport and ID cards, and headed down to the branch near my house. Sadly the clerk there said that my mum had to come and do the name change on my behalf, so the next day while I was at work she headed down where the clerk proceeded to tell her that it wasn't necessary for her to come down, but I had to come instead as I was the new customer. He scribbled his signature of approval on the form, handed it back to my mum, and she handed it back to me in the evening. So mustering all my willpower, I headed back down to the branch and after a few minutes of waiting in line, I sat down at a counter to let the real fun begin.

Me: Hi - I need to submit a form for change of ownership for a SIM card (handing over form and documentation)
Clerk: In whose name?
Me: Oh it's in my mum's name at the moment, but I want to change it to my name.
Clerk: Where is she?
Me: My mum?
Clerk: Where is she?
Me: Er - she's left for India for a month this morning
Clerk: She's not here?
Me: No, she's in India for a month
Clerk: But we need her to be here
Me: Well she came here already and whoever she spoke to said that I had to come down instead with my original documents - see the signature? (I point at the scrawl at the back of the form)
Clerk: But this sign is for you
Me: Sorry?
Clerk: This sign is mean that you have come
Me: I don't understand...
Clerk: This sign means that you you have come here, but we need her to come here
Me: But she's in India now and I need to get this changed under my name
Clerk: But I cannot, I need her to be here
Me: (slightly losing my mind) But she has ALREADY been here and the clerk said I have to be here
Clerk: Okay which number you want?
Me: This number (pointing at the form)
Clerk: You want SIM card?
Me: No, I just want the account in my name
Clerk: (starts typing away at the computer) Give me any phone number in your name
Me: I don't have a phone number in my name
Clerk: You don't have any number in your name?
Me: No
Clerk: Why?
Me: (blank look)
Clerk: (continues to type my information in) Okay, fifty dirhams
Me: (hands over money)
Clerk: Okay, now its done in your name
Me: Great - thanks. I also need to add a data package to it please?
Clerk: Now not possible
Me: Why?
Clerk: System must update, maybe take 24 hours, you come again and add data package, okay?

I've had the time of my life

2009-09-15T06:48:00.002+04:00

R.I.P Patrick Swayze - you will be greatly missed.

This Little Light O'Mine

2009-09-05T20:42:00.003+04:00

You will burn in hell.

This is one of the most common phrases repeated to gay men and women around the world. Most of the time, comes from 'religious' people who seem to think that they are God's personal prophets. And sadly enough, a lot of these people are Christians.

I remember a time when I was so conflicted about my sexuality and my faith. All around me, the signs pointed that God hated me and had given up on me. I used to have a textbook in high school for religious studies, and one chapter had the big bold title of HOMOSEXUALITY. The textbook may as well had come out of the dark ages, because the chapter pulled the old gay cliche of quoting several verses from the Bible that apparently condemn homosexuality, and that if we knew any gay people, we should pray for their souls and pray that God would be merciful to them in death. My feelings were so intense and confusing that I would sit there in my seat and wish that the ground would swallow me up. When did the God that I prayed to every day become such a hateful one? Why in all his wisdom and goodness would he put me on this earth only to condemn me?

I wish that I could go back and tell myself not to be so worried, to not hate myself for being different, and most importantly to tell myself that everything works out just great in the end. I now live a great life out and proud to most of the people in my life, and as for my faith it's still very much there, only it's not based on what's written in a textbook.

"We have not stopped praying for you since we first heard about you. We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better." Colossians 1:9-10

Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps

2009-08-22T16:29:00.003+04:00

Only in Dubai would you see this!

Voodoo Child

2009-08-16T16:39:00.002+04:00

I'm beginning to love logging in to OUT to check my messages - here's another keeper I received a few days back:

Dear Gay Friend ,
This is an investment proposal concerning interested partners.Gay partners is
needed for gay resort investment in your country.We have been humiliated around
the world.It is time for us to rally together and assist any gay investment
proposal in your country.You suggestion will be welcom.

My name is Dr Abdul-al Mohammed from Iraq 65 years old. .I need a gay partner that can be trusted
for investment in your country.I was detained in Saudi Arabia for 34days because
of my gay adventures.I want to build a five star hotel in your country which
will be have all the facility for gays.I have fought for gay rights around the
world.I have paid a big price for the war against the matter.

We need to put ourself together and make good investment in your country.i will finance the investment while you will take care and monitor the project.I want
to invest in real estate,production,Agriculture, property investment in your
country .I need a gay partner for the investment.lets meet your country Reply me
in my email address for further details.
From Dr Abdul-al Mohammed
E-mail address--- pss_09contract@yahoo.com

I LOVE spam!

He's My Man

2009-08-13T22:59:00.002+04:00

A co-worker of mine recently sent me this link which made me (and the girls in the office) absolutely die of laughter.

Click here to reveal the humor that is...Dubai's Top 50 Bachelors!

Lord help us all...

Untitled

2009-08-04T08:07:00.001+04:00

some books you fall in love with
and remember every page word
letter printed softly on your heart
sharing moments
pleasing moments
as tender fingers smudge the pages,
but then you forget and go on living
left behind to gather dust
it sits in lonely echoes
with only dog-eared pages
to remember you by.
and then you find it once again
still the same but just not quite
what you remember.

Baby Love

2009-07-28T07:19:00.001+04:00

I logged on to OUT the other day and discovered this message in my inbox:

Hello Dear,
My name is Antonia, a female. I am a nice loving and good looking young lady. I came across your profile page and I picked interest in you. Can we be friends? Contact me back direct with this my private email address so that i can send you my photos as i also introduce myself properly to you, at least for us to know each other more better.

I will be expecting your quick response, until then
Do take care of yourself and have a nice day
Yours Tonia

I think I'm in love...

Poker Face

2009-07-19T21:01:00.002+04:00

Adverts.

Love em, hate em, watch em, flick em - they are everywhere. But where I seem to hate them the most is when I come across ads online. Be they pop-ups, pop-unders, annoying banners, or flashy video ones, I pretty much ignore most of the online ads I see as I surf around. However, what's annoyed me the most recently are the ads they have on Facebook. You see, Facebook allows advertisers to specify what they want their target audience to be, so that their advert will only be display to interested people. But when I log onto Facebook, I see adverts for Gay personals, 'Find the man of your dreams today', 'Gay cruise for singles' and 'Gay speed dating in your city now!'. Okay, I get it already - I'm gay, single, and pathetic - can you come up with some new material already?

And if that wasn't bad enough, I had a rather interesting moment today when I logged into my amazon.com account to buy something for a friend. Amazon has this 'recommendations' feature where it lists items you might be interested in. So when I saw the little notification that said "We have new recommendations for you", here's the list of items that Amazon 'recommended 'to me:

20 Warning Signs of Down Low Brothers
Gay and Single...Forever?
Camp Out
The Perfect Pregnancy Workout
Bridget Jones's Diary (Collector's Edition)

So according to Amazon, I'm a single gay pregnant man on the DL - and here I thought I had myself all figured out.

Drowning

2009-07-06T21:04:00.002+04:00

Dear Malls of Dubai,

Every so often, I take the perilous journey to one of the various shopping malls dotted around town. Of course, finding a parking space is about as miraculous as a second Immaculate Conception, but I remain hopeful at all times. If I do manage to find a spot for my car and then saunter into the mall, I am overwhelmed by a tidal wave of people scurrying around the mall. And do you know why people scurry instead of walking? It's because there's no freaking place to walk around properly - there are so many kiosks scattered around the mall, that it's like trying to navigate a retail minefield. I'm sorry, but I don't need to buy knives, roasted nuts, sweets, muscle powders, zipper handbags, cheap wallets, belts, real estate, or the other shit that's in the way. Why can't everyone just rent out one huge store in the mall and call it "Random Crap"?

Sincerely,

A concerned shopper

I'm coming out

2009-07-03T13:17:00.002+04:00

Section 377 is dead.

To my brothers and sisters in India, I congratulate you all on this milestone.

The road ahead is still not going to be an easy one, but this is just the first step for you all.

When We Were Young

2009-06-25T18:56:00.002+04:00

I'm beginning to think that being gay is the new trend. Every second person you hear about is suddenly coming flying out of the closet - whether it's a celebrity or your local paperboy, gay is the new vogue.

So it's rather fitting that I include this little gem of a video to remind ourselves that it's not always good that everyone seems to be turning gay...

Smile a while

2009-06-19T15:00:00.001+04:00

I recently got a new Olympus camera for my birthday, and I've been getting back into photography - I've uploaded some of my early work, so would love to hear what you think of it!

Have a peek here: out in my head | Art & Photography

Love Game

2009-06-10T07:01:00.005+04:00

Couples with kids always provide me with some sort of entertainment value. This week while strolling through one of Dubai's various malls, something new caught my attention - baby prams. Now my mum never had the luxury of dumping us in a four wheel buggy and wheeling us around whenever she wanted - she would carry us around until we were old enough to walk (or crawl for that matter). But parents today seem to love nothing more than strapping their kids in and carting them around for the world to see. Frankly I don't see anything wrong with this, but what really gets me giggling is the prams that I see the kids in. Some of them require an engineering degree to set up, as I see parents struggling to get the right parts to snap and lock into place so that the damn thing doesn't fold up with their kid still inside. Like a car, buying a pram for the first time can often be a daunting task - with so many models available on the market, which one is the right choice for you?

Fear not loyal readers, for I have compiled the perfect pram-buying guide to help you make the right choice for your baby needs:

Pram 1.0 - the Pram 1.0 model is a lightweight choice with collapsible hinges for easy storage in your car's boot. Slight risk of jamming fingers is expected, but wearing welder's gloves during handling helps greatly.
Zipper MX 200 - the Zipper model is an easy selection for the parent who wants to keep their child snug and safe. You can attach another Zipper side by side to accommodate twins, though you risk increasing your pram's width to the size of a Hummer. With padded interiors, detachable visor and anti-skid wheels, this little gem is quick enough to dart through crowds while still giving people a long enough glance at your little bundle of joy.
Trimate VT 225 - this cute three wheeler may look like a robot from Terminator 3, but don't let its looks fool you. With a pivoted cradle and dual-swing basket, it's tough enough to stay balanced even when you stupidly pile all your shopping bags in on top of your kid.
Pramtron GX 4000 - with all-terrain wheels, alloy bodywork, ABS, NASA-certified cushioned interiors, and reverse warning beepers, this little powerhouse is the choice to make when you want only the best. May require driving permit to operate.

Freeeak

2009-05-30T21:17:00.003+04:00

I love how I get to experience random adventures in my life at the most inappropriate times. Today's episode clearly goes into my Hall of Fame as one of the most embarrassing moments ever. I needed to pop out to a nearby supermarket to get some groceries for the day, so I pulled on a pair of my jeans, grabbed my car keys and headed out the door. Now only when I reached the supermarket did I realize that I hadn't worn a belt with my jeans, which were now sitting snugly on my hips. Not paying much attention, I wandered into the store to get on with my shopping. Half an hour later, I'm standing in line with a trolley full of groceries, patiently waiting my turn. Now most of you will pretty much guess what happened next, but I'm going to tell you anyway. As soon as the guy in front of me had bagged this things, I moved forward to start putting my groceries onto the counter. At this crucial point, my jeans decided that they wanted to have a bit of fun, and promptly slid off my hips and balanced precariously on the flat piece of wood I call an ass, proudly showing off to the world my fabulous low-rise Ginch Gonch underwear. Now to stop my jeans sliding further down, I stood with my legs quite some distance apart, so to anyone passing by it would look like my water just broke and I was waiting for the old heave-ho. Slowly and calmly, I slid my hands behind me, hooked my thumbs into my jeans, and proceeded to squirm and wiggle my way back into my jeans, whilst stupidly grinning at the oblivious clerk who was scanning barcodes to her heart's content. Thankfully, I managed to slide back into my jeans, pay for my stuff, and sashay out of the store before anyone had even noticed my little public display.

Moral of the story? Always have a belt in your car's glove compartment.

Thriller

2009-05-25T06:43:00.002+04:00

I recently enjoyed a fabulous birthday with my friends, and as part of the festivities, I had prepared a few CDs with my favorite songs, so we could boogie away on the dance floor. As part of the tracklist, a friend suggested I include MJ's Thriller just to mix things up a bit. You kinda already know what happens next - I jumped onto YouTube to find a video that would teach me the entire Thriller dance routine in under 3 minutes. After watching some horrifyingly complex videos, I came across two videos that I just had to share with you all.

The first video is the one that I watched to learn a more basic version of the Thriller, but what's utterly fantastic is the running commentary...have a watch:

And the second video is just...well, if you'd like to do the Thriller when you're hopped up on speed:

'80s Dances: How To Do The Thriller

Boom Boom Pow

2009-05-17T11:21:00.003+04:00

I had a rather fun weekend at the cinema with some friends - we decided to pull off a brief cinema marathon and went to see Star Trek and Angels & Demons back to back. I enjoyed both movies, but what's worth mentioning is that because the shows we had gone for were so busy, we decided to go for the ' VIP' seating for better viewing.

Now let me just explain what 'VIP seating' at Dubai cinemas means. You get to sit on the very last row of the cinema, against the back wall - this is supposedly a 'premium viewing angle'. The seats recline back, but you have to keep your back pushed into the seat so that it stays reclined and doesn't catapult you four rows into the front. And that is pretty much the end of the VIP experience - you still have to wait in bloody long queues at the concession stand, and you still get loud-mouthed retards who sit next to you.

Truly, worth every penny that we paid.

Happy Birthday Mister President

2009-05-12T10:41:00.002+04:00

White House Correspondant's Dinner.
Wanda Sykes.
You figure out what happens...

You're my best friend

2009-05-09T15:25:00.003+04:00

Apparently there's a vicious rumor flying around town that Paris Hilton is set to fly to Dubai to film a Middle East version of 'My New Best Friend'. I don't know if she's going to be wearing an abaya or not during filming, but it's sure to be a hoot to see if this tramp is going to even make it out of the airport.

In my opinion, if you want to contract at least six STDs just by being around her, then sign up to hang out with Mizz Hilton!

Gay Boyfriend

2009-04-29T17:34:00.004+04:00

I love the tinternet - there's always so much wonderful stuff that gets forwarded on. Recently I've been catching a few of the blogs and websites I follow going abuzz with a new TV spot that speaks out against same-sex marriage. Below is the original video:

And here's what the gays have to say:

Viva les gays!

Make Me A Channel

2009-04-12T17:49:00.003+04:00

I got this through Sam's blog, and the original post can be found here, but it was just too good to keep to myself.

My son is gay. I knew that he was gay when I realized that he had too many good things about him to be just one person; I think that he was two years old. His interests were varied, as were his abilities. Not only was he more able to get along with both genders better than most adults, but, as he grew up, he was able to converse on a multitude of subjects and participate in a multitude of activities. Do NOT insert snide remark here. He suffered because of who he was. I didn’t know it; he was that caring to protect me.

If you are not on good terms with your gay or lesbian child, you and your child will miss out…YOU more than your child. You will not be let in to his or her world and you will not be entrusted with their love. You will not be revered, respected or cared about if you do not know what a gift your child is. The fact that he or she is gay takes away nothing from the priceless life you brought into the world. It is another facet of who your child is and another piece of the magnificent puzzle that is life.

As my father said to my son when my son told him that he was gay, “Grandson, that means as much to me as the color of your eyes.” My father was an incredible man, just like my son.

Homosexuality is not a choice; it is part of a human’s makeup. Do you really believe that anyone wakes up one day and says to himself or to herself, “I think that, from now on, I will conduct myself in a completely different and largely unacceptable manner. I will make myself become attracted to someone of my same sex and I will prefer things that are confusing to all who love me. I will fight the urges of my physiology, sexuality and chemistry and do the exact opposite. I want to be someone who is often beat up, harassed and usually dismissed as being less than a human being. I want to be ridiculed and unloved by my parents and disciplined, sometimes unmercifully, for being other than what they had in mind when they created me.” Think about that for a few seconds. What in the Universe would be the gain of such actions?

If you have been unsupportive of your child because he or she is gay, you have just plain been unsupportive of your child. If you have had angry thoughts or have chastised or punished your child because of their homosexuality, you have acted against the very essence of life. Your child may very well go on and thrive anyway. However, it will never be because of anything positive that you did on their behalf. It will be in spite of all you have done to bring down the very being to whom you gave life. My son and his partner, Sam, had their committment ceremony over a year ago. As the most important icing on the wedding cake, they are now legally married. Sam is so amazing! I could not have asked for a better son-in-law!

Every child teaches his or her parents many things. They teach us what a true love really is, how much of a child we always will be and they teach us that the world is a wonderful place. They bring hope to the world while they bring validation to our existence. They are the children of the Universe…the future…the reason to face another day. Depriving your child of your love, trust, affection and esteem will cause you to wither and die an unfulfilled human; unloved by the very creature who was meant to love you unconditionally. Your days will echo with the laughter that might have been and you will look forward to the night because it brings sleep…and, with sleep, escape from the light.

If you are concerned about what sexual acts take place behind the door of privacy, are you so certain that the acts you perform behind those doors…or even elsewhere…are those which you believe are someone else’s business? If you show scorn to your homosexual child, or worse, you have done a crime against nature. Are you certain that it is wrong for two people to make love…ANY two people…more wrong than two people bringing fear and pain to each other? Have YOU ever been cherished?

I hope that I live long enough to see that marriage between same-gender people is accepted in our culture. There are so many people who accept hate between people and murder between people. The old hippie saying of “Make Love, Not War” is more blistering a comment on these times than I would ever have imagined.If you want to lose your connection to the Earth and to your time here, all you have to do is forsake your child.

Do not get me wrong; there is nothing for YOU to forgive. However, there is much for your child to forgive…if you ever get the chance and if you ever see the light. And this is the most important of all of my...tales from a broad.

Amma Dekh

2009-04-06T07:36:00.002+04:00

I recently flew to Mumbai for a quick two day business trip, and even though I've only been to India a few number of times, the city always seem to have a life of its own. I can tell you one thing though - some of those rickshaw rides can put my 4-speed adjustable vibrator to shame.

What is it about hotel rooms that brings out the naughty side of people? I had a 'special friend' of mine meet up at my hotel room, and after some blissful hours, had to bid him adieu. I then decided to ring up room service for some dinner, consisting simply of some pulao, vegetable curry, and of course gulab jamun. A few minutes later the room service guy arrives with my food, but I also notice that he's brought in two of everything - two plates, two knives, two forks, two water glasses, and even two gulab jamuns! He quietly sets everything down, whips around, and says to me "Have a very good night sir!", while at the same time flashing me his widest smile that loosely translated to "Oh you filthy filthy little boy!"

At that point I didn't know which would be quicker - leaping out of the window or electrocution in the bathtub.

Going to the Chapel

2009-04-05T15:54:00.002+04:00

Brides.

All over the world, millions of women dream of the day when they can don that fabled white dress, walk gracefully down the aisle in front of hundreds of their friends and family, and stand in front of the one they love. For anyone who's only attended a wedding ceremony, the entire affair can appear so graceful and hassle-free, but behind the scenes things are a different matter. The only way you can pull off a wedding without any hitches is if you've injected yourself with a concentrated solution of Red Bull and cocaine (a must see btw).

So one of the most important things to a new bride is of course, the wedding dress. Everything else becomes totally insignificant for a new bride - including who she's going to be marrying. Almost every bride describes this feeling of 'just knowing' when they've tried on the right dress, how at long last they had that coveted object that no other woman on the planet was allowed to get her grimy mitts on. Well I'm happy to report that recently a friend of mine asked me what she thought of the wedding dress that she had picked out (and ordered) for her wedding in December this year. Now I don't quite know which planet she comes from, but if you ask a gay man about his opinion on fashion, 99% of the time you're going to get the bitter truth. She showed me a picture of this dress that had so much volume in it, that it looked like an upside-down carnation. It had layers upon layers of fabric cascading all the way down, and it could actually look good on a woman who was say 6 feet tall. The layers were not going to do anything for her body shape, and it was just an absolute nightmare for me to see her beaming face staring lovingly at the mess of rags that was her wedding dress. So it was almost natural (nay, a reflex action) for me to tell her the first thing that jumped into my head when I saw that dress:

"You'll look like you're wearing a ribbed condom"

On the road again

2009-03-21T21:18:00.001+04:00

Sam,

She will always love you.

Falling

2009-03-16T05:22:00.002+04:00

Last weekend my friends and I decided we needed to have a crazy night out, so we headed on down to the infamous Club Submarine. Why 'infamous' you ask? Well, let's just say it's the kind of bar that you can compare to the YMCA (hint hint). Looking back, I'm glad that we went to Submarine because that night I decided once and for all that I would never step into that club again.

Now the only downside of not being an alcoholic is that there's often very little on offer at the bar in terms of non-alcoholic drinks. Since a fried of mine wasn't drinking as well that night, we decided to approach the bartender and ask him what non-alcoholic stuff he had. Apart from 'juices' and 'water', I wasn't very impressed, but he then said that he would make a special 'fruit cocktail' for us, which sounded pretty good, so we agreed. Twenty minutes later (yes twenty) he comes back with two tall glasses filled with a creamy looking liquid - his apparent 'best creation'. I took one sip of the concoction and nearly threw up back into the glass. I asked the guy what he put into the drink and he happily told me. "There is lychee, banana, vanilla ice cream, some strawberries, coconut cream, and little bit of chocolate sauce" Trust me, it tasted more like cum in a glass, it was that vile. After two more sips I decided that this stuff was lethal enough to be declared a biohazard. What killed me even more is when I asked for the bill, the guy had charged me 40 bucks for that wank-off drink. That's 80 bucks for something that could have come from the local sperm bank! So feeling incredibly ripped off, I shove the disgusting mix away and decided to play it safe by ordering a glass of apple juice. The guy opens a packet of Lacnor Apple Juice, pours it into a glass, whips in some ice cubes and a straw, and hands it over to me. He scribbles down the amount due onto a paper and I can just barely make out an '18' on the bill. I hand him over a 100 dirham note and wait patiently for my change. The guy then comes over and pops my change onto the bar and heads off. I pick up my cash only to discover that there's a ridiculously small amount of it - only 52 dirhams in change! I look back down at the now printed-out bill and nearly pass out...the apple juice cost me 48 bucks. Forty eight fucking dirhams! I didn't know whether to scream, throw something, or bend over the bar and help myself to more apple juice. In the end I just decided to sit there and sip that fucking apple juice like it was liquid gold. The funny bit is that beer only costs 20 dirhams, so these guys are making more money off the sober people!

The other thing I don't like about Submarine is that it's a meat market - it's just Jules Bar without the glory holes (so far). The funny thing is that I saw these guys there who are on gaydar with profiles like "Looking for a decent guy for friendship and long term relationship" and then I come here and see them grinding up with other guys on the dance floor. Yup - that's what relationships are built on these days - how far you can thrust your crotch into another guy's leg.

Cheers!

O What A Night

2009-02-22T20:55:00.002+04:00

My life has inevitably come to a somewhat grinding halt. The days now unfold like clockwork, much to my annoyance. So many things in my life have become so mundane, that I often find myself automatically finishing tasks before ever realizing when I had started them. I head to Starbucks in the morning and the woman at the counter automatically smiles and charges me and hands over a Double Chocolate Muffin, without even opening my mouth. I head downstairs for lunch to the food court, and the clerk glances up at me and screams to the kitchen "One chicken wrap sandwich only no lettuce no peppers less onion extra cheese toasted take away!" My Outlook calendar is a stark reminder of my annoying habit to meticulously allocate specific time slots in the day for certain tasks - even for taking a lunch break. Sad, aren't I? I think it's high time that I snapped out of my mundane routines and enjoyed life a bit more - though of course, that's easier said than done.

Still, I do appreciate the mundane - at least I know that something like this won't happen to me on a fairly 'ordinary' day:

Fag Hag

2009-02-16T05:35:00.000+04:00

A friend of mine recently asked me an earth-shattering question:
"What if you had a kid and it was half lesbian and half gay?"

Anyone?

Never Ever

2009-02-15T09:54:00.005+04:00

Oh

my

god.

I've loved Jason Behr ever since I saw him as a dopey-eyed alien on Roswell, but he's done a couple of good movies since his TV days (Dragon Wars was not one of them!)

But I completely missed out this movie of his - The Tattooist. Released in 2007, it's only just coming to cinemas in Dubai next week! I nearly passed out when I saw some of the photos for this movie - this is one flick that I'm going to watch in the cinema - nothing like seeing Jason's glorious abs on the big screen!

Beat Goes On

2009-02-14T11:24:00.000+04:00

Tired of being single in Dubai? Bored of spending Valentine's Day with your cat? Do you just want to meet like-minded people for a cup of coffee? Then look no further than Single in the City - I got an email link about this site last week, and curiosity got the best of me once I saw a few ads for it on Facebook. Billed as a "Dubai's social network and events company", I do have to say it was highly entertaining when the website was blocked by local ISPs a week ago for sounding like a dating agency (we wish!). The site has now been unblocked, and I did manage to get a peek at a few of the studs on there. I'll tell you straight on ladies, there's nothing sexier than a man who's using his blue-background passport photo as his profile picture.

Woof!

Hot and Cold

2009-02-02T07:13:00.003+04:00

There are many things in life that require etiquette - eating out, conversation at parties, etc. But the most under-taught etiquette is by far 'urinal etiquette' - and yes, this time I'm talking only about the men. (Unless there are some women readers out there with a few secrets to keep)

Now in the rare event that I need to use a public washroom, I head for a stall. Call me old-fashioned, but there's just something comforting about having a door and three walls to shield you from stares. But yesterday in the men's washroom at work, an 'incident' occurred that left me in peals of laughter. I had gone into the washroom to try and get the scent of pepperoni pizza off my hands from lunch, when these two guys come walking into the washroom, already deep in some business conversation. Without even so much as an afterthought, they head straight to the urinals, stand next to each other, unzip and go about their business - all the while still talking! I mean it was just fascinating how they could carry on conversing like nothing was wrong...I didn't know if I should laugh, scream, or offer to hold something. And just like that, they finished their business, washed up, and headed out, still babbling away.

It made me wonder - if they were negotiating a business deal, would they have ended the conversation with "Let's shake on it"?

Update: Just got this link from Sam - these should be set in stone!

Rock your body

2009-01-29T10:51:00.002+04:00

Sam wrote a very cute post about 'How Out is your Underwear?' which got me thinking about the one thing I actually don't like about men's underwear - tightey whities. I think that men's white briefs should be banned from production immediatley - I don't care if they're branded by Armani and hiding David's anaconda, I can't stand a guy who wears white briefs. Even if he's got rippling abs to show off, it just screams "I'm a grown man yet I'm wearing underwear that's suited to a 6 year old"

Shine On

2009-01-24T17:41:00.002+04:00

It's a common misconception that gay men don't like lesbians (and where exactly this belief came from I have yet to discover), but there is something on this planet that I dislike even more.

Kids.

Now I know most of you are going to start with the whole "Oh you were once a kid yourself " crap, but frankly I'm not buying it - I'm sure I was just as annoying when I was a kid. But staying with the plot, I seriously can't stand kids. There's just something about their high-pitched wailing, constant hyperactivity, and utter disregard for peace and quiet that just makes me want to leap off a building. But every so often, I get to turn my distaste of kids into pure amusement. From all my countless observations of parents and their kids, there is always one thing that makes me curl up in glee - ownership. Whenever the kid does something praiseworthy, all I hear is"Oh do you know what our little lovebucket did today?" And when the kid fucks things up, all you hear is "Do you know what your child did today!!??"

Paper Planes

2009-01-15T18:07:00.002+04:00

So last weekend I went with some friends to the overly hyped Dubai Mall. For all my international readers, Dubai Mall is currently the largest shopping mall around - until the mega-ultra-super big mall in Dubailand is finished. We drove over there nice and early on a Friday before the rush came in, so we found a parking spot and headed indoors. As predicted, half the mall is clad in scaffolding and posters of 'Coming Soon' covering up empty shops. One of my friends visited the Aquarium and spewed away money getting into the damn thing, feeding some fish, and then getting a photograph taken. In my opinion fish only belong in two places - the sea or in sushi. The mall also features (wait for it) a Waitrose store, so anyone who's familiar with the franchise will surely feel like they're back in the UK. Now you know you're gay and domestic when you walk by a fashion store and march straight into a friggin supermarket. I wasn't too impressed with Waitrose to be honest - it's nothing like it is back in the UK...there wasn't a drop of wine in there!

I think we managed to see the entire mall in about 2 hours - the highlight of the visit was walking by 'The Waterfall' - which is a three level waterfall featuring naked silver men diving down. So here's another first - the world's gayest water feature...just click below and take a look for yourself!

Come As You Are

2009-01-06T12:53:00.002+04:00

First, click here. (N.B - do not open this site if you are at work or are squeamish!)

Ready to pass out yet? Wouldn't that be a fantastic gift to give you mother for her birthday? Look ma - a great new cookbook!

Which makes me think - should I be worried if I spot a used copy of this book at a shop and the pages are stuck together?

You Sexy Thing

2009-01-03T20:49:00.002+04:00

There's no better way to ring in the New Year than with some retail therapy - shopping is definitely a habit I can keep for 2009. So to ring it in with true style, I made a much-needed trip to dklozet, where I happened to pick up a pair of these Rufskin jeans. Needless to say, I have affectionately dubbed them my whore pants.

Never Give Up

2009-01-02T09:42:00.001+04:00

Vote for outinmyhead for the 2009 Blogger Awards!

Fame

2008-12-30T17:14:00.002+04:00

I suppose to end the year on a sort of 'high note', I have to mention that I've been published again in The Man magazine. My latest article can be read here - comments are of course welcome! Two other articles that I've submitted recently will also be going to print, so will put those up as soon as they're published online.

Perhaps 2009 sees me with a writing career?

Hold Me Now

2008-12-29T14:58:00.003+04:00

Now that the Christmas hoopla has died down, I can spare a little bit of time to muse on the holiday season and look at a year gone by. In all truthfulness, I really enjoyed Christmas this year, simply because for once it wasn't filled with the drama that I usually experience. Instead of spending Christmas day with my deranged family and having a very uncomfortable and silent lunch with all of them, I instead opted to spend Christmas day with some friends of mine, and it was fantastic. I spent the morning at a spa with them getting rid of a year's worth of stress and trying to relax, but apparently I came out behaving more wound up than ever. Went to church in the evening, had a great dinner out with friends, and then curled up in bed, soaking up the leftover Christmas cheer. No family, no drama, no stress - I think this is the start of a beautiful new Christmas tradition.

2008 was a funny year for me. Although I didn't get to travel as much as I had planned to, I did make a quick getaway to London to escape work, and had a great time there. My love life stayed pretty much the same, which was a bit annoying, but we will see where that goes in 2009. Some exciting things happened at work for me, but I'm sure there's more to come in the new year - just hoping that I can cope with it gracefully!

But looking back on 2008, the one thing I've discovered is just how much my family gets to me. Sure, everyone's family gets in the way every now and then, but 2008 was just a plain fucked up year. So much went on around me that I hardly had time to stand back from the chaos to realize that it was affecting my health as well as my relationships with some people. Only much later in the year did I realize that I don't have to fulfill this 'savior' role that my parents seem to see me as. I'm fed up with every single family member trying to involve me in their drama and not really bothering whether I want to be a part of things or not.

So for the new year, I'm going to start thinking a little bit more about myself - as much as I love to give people a hand, sometimes it's not so bad to give yourself a little time away.

Or a facial - definitely a facial.

Merry Christmas, Everyone

2008-12-25T00:13:00.000+04:00

Merry Christmas everybody! Hope you have a fun and safe Holiday season!

We Like To Party

2008-12-22T05:50:00.002+04:00

I thought I'd introduce a new feature to the blog called 'outinmyhead loves' where I briefly rant about something that's caught my eye or something that's worth mentioning to you all.

Today, outinmyhead loves DealByEthan.com
Found among the plethora of emails I get, this is one website that is going to make you sizzle! Featuring some ridiculously sexy men posing in some alarmingly short briefs and other goodies, there's a lot on offer here, from t-shirts to shorts to jewelery. Plenty to zoom in on too (*woof*)!

Proper Education

2008-12-14T07:10:00.001+04:00

This is a *must* see!

When Will I Be Famous

2008-12-08T10:46:00.003+04:00

A friend of mine recently asked me if I was ready for a relationship yet. The question caught me completely off guard, because it's been ages since I've thought about hooking up with someone. I think I'm still in the 'not looking for someone but would be nice to have someone' part of my life. I know some guys say that they're lonely and longing for someone to hold them at night etc, but I'm not lonely - I've got a great group of friends who certainly keep me on my toes better than a partner would. Work keeps me occupied of course, so that I don't sit around wishing and hoping that a man would fall into my arms. To be honest, if a nice guy walks into my life, I'll just have to see what happens!

With Christmas about 2 weeks away, I've managed to finish most of my shopping, though today has been designated as a the last possible shopping day, as I'm really busy over the coming weeks. And before you know it, 2009 will be here, and the word 'resolutions' will be the most Googled one in January.

Sexy Boy

2008-11-25T08:15:00.004+04:00

I've always wondered about the science fiction that is Starbucks. I was standing at a Starbucks counter this morning with a friend, and when the clerk asked for her order, she flawlessly blurted out "One grande skinny latte no foam vanilla shot". I looked at her as if she was possessed and speaking in tongues. Are you seriously kidding me with this? Since when did ordering a simple cup of coffee get so complicated? First you have to choose the size of the damn thing, which by the way, isn't in English anymore - you get a small, venti, grande, and god knows what else. Then you have to make the mortifying decision if you want to have full cream milk or low-fat, followed by the excruciating decision if you want a foamy moustache when you drink or not. I'm sure countless wars have been waged over how much foam needs to go on top of your coffee.

Trust Starbucks to take the art of making coffee and turn it into a fucking science.

Shut Up And Bounce

2008-11-22T22:27:00.003+04:00

I recently watched the film Dostana which had been getting a lot of media hooplah in India, as it was the first movie to apparently 'star' two mainstream Bollywood actors, who play gay roles. Now by gay roles I don't mean anything dramatic or even moving - Brokeback Mountain this certainly ain't. Instead, you'll be left wondering exactly what message Karan Johar was trying to send across. You only get three hours of stereotypical gay behavior, with flaky background actors trying to fill in the gaping plot holes (case in point, tres gay fashion magazine editor). Even the immigration officer who pays a house visit is a flaming queen - complete with lisp. John Abraham tries to make up for his baboon acting by exposing as much skin as possible - clearly the man has a phobia of shirt buttons. Abhishek Bachan is just as bad, and his 'flashback' scene in Venice where he frolics through a field (complete with hand waving and skipping) makes me want to hurl my afternoon biryani.

The movie is nothing but an embarrassment to the Indian gay community, and further paints us in a negative light. Karan may claim to have brought homosexuality to the front of the media, but this movie only sets gay rights back 10 years.

Samba De Janeiro

2008-11-18T06:31:00.001+04:00

A small note from me today - I checked my email this morning to find that my blog has won the Bronze Award on BestGayBlogs. I only recently saw that I've been running this blog for three years strong. Three years! Trust me, that's a colossal achievement in my books. A big thank you to BestGayBlogs for the award, and of course many thanks to all my loyal readers and those of you who regularly swing by and leave comments or link back to my posts. The blog means a great deal to me, and I'm hoping I can keep it running for many more years to come.

Single Ladies

2008-11-17T20:43:00.002+04:00

I absolutely love Wanda Sykes. Her stand-up comedy is some of the funniest I've seen in a long time. And now I love her even more because she's just announced at a Prop8 rally that she's gay.

Read more here.

Lost and Found

2008-11-13T06:59:00.004+04:00

Every once in a while, you're reminded that there are some pretty close-minded people in this world. In the news recently, Proposition 8 was passed in California, which effectively eliminates the right to same-sex marriage. On one of the Internet forums that I regularly visit, someone posted that they hope Prop8 passes and 'all the gayness ends'. If you're looking for someone who clearly lacks the powers of simple thought or even the ability to listen, then click here to visit the forum. I've been pissing myself laughing at the comments being posted, because it's a fantastic example of the bigotry that goes on in the world, and just how retarded some people's thinking can be - the topic sways around so much that eventually rape, incest, murder, and god knows what are dragged in. Grab some popcorn folks, because you can't read shit like this anywhere else!

I wonder what Slap Upside The Head would have to say about this? ;)

EDIT: Okay, the original thread was lost because the site went down, but here's another ridiculous stab at the topic!

A Change Would Do You Good

2008-11-07T09:10:00.002+04:00

Change is here.

This is the mantra echoed by Barack Obama during his campaign, and one that is now shouted from the rooftops after his successful election. Obama has indeed risen from relative political obscurity to becoming a household name. "Obama-fever" is in the air, and millions of Americans, and indeed the rest of the world, are waiting to see what is in store for the future.

Not only is Obama the first African-American president of the United States, he is also the first preseident to have made a keen impact on the gay community. With Proposition 8 now seeking to ruin hundreds of loving gay marriages, there is indeed a lot that has to change. The question really to ask is whether or not Obama is up to the challenge - after all, he may have just seen the LGBT community as nothing but and untapped voting potential. Millions of gay people all across America will be keeping a watchful eye on Obama once he assumes the Presidency in January, and even though the race for the presidency has ended, the race for change hasn't even begun.

Sex Bomb

2008-11-02T11:01:00.001+04:00

With the impending release of the much over-hyped movie Dostana, it made me realize that there are quite a lot of queer films coming out with Indian leads. Upcoming films such as I Can't Think Straight and The World Unseen both feature prominent desi folk, which begs the question - is Bollywood finally ready for gay cinema? I mean movies with an actual plot - I think the only reason to see Dostana in the cinemas is to watch the men flutter shirtless across the screen. Reading an Indian magazine recently, there were a few Bollywood actors and actresses who were asked if they would play gay in a film. All of them said yes, "as long as the director knows what he wants from the scene and from the film". I remember the first Indian film I saw with any hint of gayness in it was the infamous Bombay Boys - though it can hardly be called a gay movie, it still caused plenty of mayhem and subsequent banning when it hit India.

When Fire was released, that too sent shockwaves through the Indian community. But many gay women said that Fire was a misconception - portraying the idea that if a woman feels neglect and abuse at the hands of her husband, she automatically begins to love women. Having said that, if Bollywood can handle the likes of cross-dressing men on screen, why can't we have a decent gay Indian film? Everyone from Amitabh Bachan to Govinda to Salman Khan have been seen swaying in a sari, so isn't it about time that Indian cinema truly came out of the closet?

Say It Isn't So

2008-10-26T04:13:00.003+04:00

My mum is an endless source of entertainment for me (as well as stress). Today she asked me if my bathroom bath sponge needed replacing. Now I stopped using a bath sponge eons ago, and opted for a much nicer orange loofah, but apparently she didn't notice the switch. Now in addition to looking a bit more classier than my bath sponge, there's a very important reason why I switched over. You see, my mum buys these god-awful bath sponges that is soft and spongy on one side, and then rough and jagged on the other side. I swear that these things are made by Scotch Brite and just sold under another brand name. That sponge takes off layers of skin when I use it, which is apparently a good thing in my mum's books (See the dead skin comes off, no?).

Speaking of burning skin, I visited a hair stylist this week to get my hair colored - not something I do very often, and definitely not something I'm going to do again for a while. I had asked the guy for a sort of dark-red color, but my worst horrors came true when after not one, not two, but four applications of hair color, my hair turned out looking like Geri Halliwell. So when people ask me why I chose such a color, I calmly reply that when I was in London I auditioned for the part of a long-lost Weasley cousin.

Paranoid Android

2008-10-22T14:01:00.002+04:00

My 2 week vacation in the UK has finally come to a close, with this being my last 'free day' before I start packing up everything tomorrow for my evening flight. It's been a precious 2 weeks away from the mayhem and bustle of my life back in Dubai, and already the gears in my head are spinning from all the work that's waiting for me back home. Still, I had a great time here and managed to meet so many of my friends, as well as visit some great places. If I was to actually sit down and write about every single experience, I'd be here all day. So here are some 'pearls of wisdom' about my trip:

Singing in a gay karaoke bar is like stepping into an audition for West Side Story - every man who gets up on stage sounds like he's auditioning for a Broadway musical.
It's perfectly normal for a quiet looking old bookshop to have a licensed sex shop downstairs.
Soho is for straight men too - there are brothels a-plenty.
When you can see your breath, you can safely say that it's cold.
Apparently, a 'crisp winter morning' is 8 degrees outside with the sun shining - go figure.
You can meet some perfectly interesting people on the Underground.
You are never too far from an American Tourist.
Within a few days, you can convert £ to your home currency in your head in a matter of seconds.
According to M&S, it's not too early to start buying Christmas decorations.
And according to Tescos, it's perfectly normal it tuck into mince pies in October.
A pocket tube map is a godsend.
Never check your work email when you're on vacation.
Even if you've been talking to someone on the phone for a year, they will always never turn out the way you imagine them once you meet for the first time.
Avenue Q is possibly the best musical I've seen yet.

La Puerta Del Cielo

2008-10-15T19:52:00.002+04:00

Bittersweet Symphony

2008-10-10T16:40:00.002+04:00

9:05am

I'm sitting in the departure lounge of Gate 113 at Dubai Airport, waiting to board my plane to London. I spot an elderly woman wearing a salwaar khameez and sneakers and I smile quietly to myself. A man sits in the seat next to me, and is intent on making me listen in to his phone conversation - he's speaking that loudly. After 20 minutes of trying to concentrate on my book, we are finally called to board the plane. Having checking in online earlier, I was able to squint at the plane's seating plan and choose a relatively comfortable seat in row 17, which meant that there was no seat in front of me, so I actually had a decent amount of legroom to accommodate my 6ft frame. The only problem was that my headrest wasn't actually reaching my head, but was instead digging into my shoulder. No matter what I tried, I could not get the headrest to move, so in the end I had to sit slouching in my seat at such a low angle, that I may as well have had my legs in stirrups and gone into labor. Despite the rather awkward seating, I had not however, taken into consideration that my chances were pretty high that I would be seated next to a complete idiot. And so it was - the mid-20s guy who sat next to me looked like he was evicted from an episode of Survivor. No sooner had he disposed of his hand bagged and strapped himself in, slouched in his seat, he raised both feet up in the air and rested them on the panel in front of him, making a very uncomfortable looking V-shape. He pretty much looked like he had leapt off a diving board and was trying to break into a swan dive of some sorts.

Of course no flight is complete without the bawling baby, and my row just happen to have three couples with their kids. The first two couples had bawlers, which meant that no matter how hard I crammed in my complimentary headphones, I could not drown out the piercing baby screams. The third couple had an explorer - a kid no more than three years old who decided to make the aisle his own personal runway, tearing up and down without a care in the world. I resisted the urge to trip the kid up as he pelted through to the business class area with his poor father in pursuit.

We are soon served lunch, and mine consists of a pale looking fillet of fish drowned in a blood-red sauce, along with mashed potatoes. I peek through the felt curtains in front of me which separate Economy from Business Class and I can see people eating with real cutlery off real plates - not from plastic and aluminum trays that have been microwaved until they reach the temperature of the sun.

After seven hours, we begin to approach Heathrow airport, and I look out the window to the green landscape below. For some strange reason, the song Bittersweet Symphony floods into my head, as we fly over towns, fields, and miles of railway tracks. I want to laugh, cry, scream, and hug someone all at the same time, as it's just dawned on me that I'm miles away from Dubai, ready to begin my vacation.

Give It To Me

2008-10-06T21:51:00.002+04:00

A few months ago I blogged about the 'Trophy Husband' - the guy who's dragged around and paraded by his wife in front of her friends. Well recently I was reminded of another type of trophy - the Trophy Boyfriend. You see, similar to the Trophy Husband, the Trophy Boyfriend is a mere fashion accessory. Hanging on his arm is a skank or some gay drama queen who just wants to show the world what a catch they've landed. Everyone else they knew before will now melt away into the background, to be called upon probably for a random favor or for the obligatory dinner invitation, which of course involves more doting and face-rubbing. Soon you get to hear of exciting job promotions, exotic vacations taken around the world, and how the happy couple are planning to spend the rest of their lives together. Maybe it's Sour Shirley inside me, but sometimes I can't help but hurl just a little bit inside. In many ways, the Trophy Boyfriend is worse than the Trophy Husband - at least with the husband you know that eventually the novelty wears off.

Say My Name

2008-09-29T09:53:00.004+04:00

Ever since Facebook branched out its registration to include everyone on the freaking Internet, I've had mixed views on the site. On one hand it's a great way to spy on other people, but on the other hand it's also ridiculously annoying and very addictive. For instance, this morning I logged on to Facebook and this is what I got:

You have a 'girlie' request!
You've been bitten - click here to bite back!
XXXXX just gave you a Super Poke!
You've just been bought! Click to see how much you are worth!

I mean seriously - what the fuck?

Another thing about Facebook is that damn 'status' update. The things people write on there range from the mundane to downright obnoxious. So in an effort to shield my eyes from future status-message abuse, here are my top 5 things not to write in your Facebook status.

Moan about work - face it...we all hate our jobs at some point or the other. But plastering it all over your Facebook for the world (and your co-workers) to see is not a good idea. Also, don't office-bitch on Facebook either...if you regret doing it in the photocopy room with the geeky IT guy, don't tell the world what a skank you are.

Post about your conquests - "Randy had a ****ing great shag last nite!" is not appropriate for Facebook, neither is your update two weeks later with "Randy has an itch".

Depress the world - Okay, so you're in a bit of a rut, or going through some tough times. "Mandy feels like slitting her wrists" is hardly something you want to tell everyone. If you're really feeling low, stop petting your fucking virtual Facebook pet and go talk to someone.

Log on while you're sick - even if you're dying from the flu, no one really cares about how much phlegm you're coughing up. One time I logged in and I saw a friend who was sick that day had updated her Facebook every hour - "is sleeping" "is having soup and hates it" "is curling up in bed" "is feeling a bit better" "hates the taste of Panadol" - it was enough to make me go over there and smother her with her pillow..."is sleeping peacefully" would have been my get-well gift to her.

Continue the 3rd person - it's bad enough that Facebook refers to everyone in the 3rd person, but when you keep up the lingo, you're just being stupid. "Dave wonders wonders when Dave is going to get a car" = not cool.

Don't forget to leave your own!