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Friday, May 30, 2008
Sexy Back


Time for some commercial whoring - to the 8 men who read this blog, if you're looking to pick up something slinky and ultra funky to wear 'down under', then please do visit the dklozet store in Dubai. They have the most amazing collection of men's underwear & swim stuff, not to mention posters plastered everywhere of ultra buff men wearing the merchandise. I happened to pick up this last time I stopped by, and good god after wearing them I feel sensations in placed I never knew existed!

Make sure you pop by the website for a look at their products and then drop by the store - this place definitely gets my seal of approval.


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Wednesday, May 28, 2008
American Boy
I need to be serious for 2 minutes and ask you all an important question. Can anyone tell me why men over 50 still think they can wear Speedos? A few weeks ago, I went to a sports club and lounged by the pool, and instead of being greeted by buff men in tiny Speedos oiling each other up, I was exposed to pasty, wrinkly, beer-bellied men walking around the pool in tight black Speedos. Now these things looked so tight that if the guy had bent over, the Speedo would snap off and give someone a head injury. I think the general rule should be if your stomach goes over the Speedo, then shorts are for you. I remember watching a show on MTV called The Grind, which featured countless buff men in ultra tight bathing suits, and the girls all clad in mini-bikinis. Though 90% of the teen crowd looked like they had been carved out of marble, occasionally the camera would pan onto someone slightly pudgy looking, i.e the 'token fat guy'. You know, the overweight guy who comes down to Spring Break in the hope of getting some action. I think if they ever brought back this show, we need to send all these Speedo-wearing old men down there, just to make the show look good.

Really funny true story to tell you all - I was in a mall yesterday, browsing around a greeting card shop, when out of nowhere this woman comes up to me and says "Namaste!" Now I don't think anyone has used that greeting since 1932, but looking at this female I could instantly tell she was a 'lost tourist' and just needed help. She had on the hip pouch, camera around her neck, slightly large hat, and bad tan lines. So when she said 'Namaste' to me, I was trying hard to decide if I should slap her, give her my finger snap-snap action, or just ignore her. Oblivious to the furious battle going on in my head, she continued and said "Can you tell me where there is a money exchange?" Clearly she wasn't getting the message that I was still reeling from her culturally misplaced greeting, so I decided to play along. I put on my thickest, heaviest 'Apu-from-the-Simpsons' accent and said to her "Oh surely! Simbly go down the stairs, turn right at the bottom, and you will be seeing it right there. You can not miss it!" It was incredibly difficult to keep a straight face, so I'm sure to her I looked like I was trying hard to control a seizure. Nevertheless, she said 'Thank You' and was on her way. I spent the rest of the day thinking to myself 'What would she have said if I was Chinese?'


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Thursday, May 22, 2008
Happy Birthday



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Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Celebration


Once again, a year later, here's my FutureMe email and my reply :)

Dear FutureMe,

Hello again! Are you still getting flak for doing this? Emails from the past - how much creepier can it get? :) Let me use my wonderful psychic powers to predict what's happened in your life so far. You're still in the same job, but piled on with more work. I'm going to bet that you're still single, but trying to be happy about it. Family is driving you mad as per usual, and you still have horrible control over your money. Er - by the way, did you get an LCD TV yet? I hate to think of you playing your PS3 on that ridiculous 17" screen you have now! Anyway, just wanted to wish you the very best, make sure you set this thing up again!

Yours faithfully,

PastMe.


Dear PastMe,

I hate it when you're right! And no, haven't received any flak yet about setting this up again, though I am sure you-know-who is going to aim a few at me once he reads this blog post! :) You're spot on about pretty much everything else - work is hard and hectic, but things are getting a bit better...I at least have someone to help me out with things now! Yes, still single, but there is potential on the horizon - that is if I don't go and blow things! :o) I DID get the TV after all, so now enjoying my movies and games on a wonderful Bravia 32" TV. Little has changed for me in a year - I am going on a trip in the coming months, but other than that nothing really exciting has developed. Still, there's half a year to go, so you never know what could happen!

Love always,

FutureMe


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Monday, May 19, 2008
Zombie
I miss being a kid.

Really, I do. When you're a kid, the only real worry you have is if The Count will ever overcome his Obsessive Counting Disorder, or if you should have a KitKat or Cadburys for dinner. When I look at kids they're always in a world of their own, and something as simple as a plastic bag floating in the wind is enough to amuse them. Of course, if the plastic bag is over their head and they're turning a slight tint of purple, then I think there's reason for alarm.

But seriously, how many of us wish that we were kids again? It's amazing how many of my friends have recently mentioned that they wish they could turn back the clock and go back to their childhood. Well a part of me wishes that too, but then again I had a pretty unusual childhood, what with my drag acts at age 4 singing Madonna's Papa Don't Preach.

Stop laughing.

There's something about kids and the whole babies thing that tends to change people so much. I mean you're responsible for another person - another life, and that can bring you joy or make you crap in your pants. Take for instance the other day when I was out shopping at a bookstore with a friend. We reached the Health section, and before I knew it, we were sitting on the floor with mounds of books around us on pregnancy and babies. Within ten minutes, we were talking about things like underwater births, food you need to eat, the labour dance, and nursing tactics. We got so caught up in all this baby talk that pretty soon I wanted to spit out one of the little buggers. That is of course, until she showed me a picture of a fully pregnant woman who looked like she had coconut shells for breasts.

Seriously - they were huge.

A friend of mine said to me recently that before my big 2-5 day, I need to finish a little list. She said that I need to do the following things in order either before or on the day:

1) Feel great
2) Be thankful
3) Embrace life

Sounds like a list you'd give a freaking inmate, but I'm going to humor her and do this later on in the week - if my crap memory can remember of course.

My cell phone has also chosen this crucial moment in time to die on me - the crappy speaker in it now makes any caller sound like Joan Rivers, so I've resorted to texting people furiously this week. Hey if this keeps up, my midnight conversations will soon turn into textual intercourse.

Saucy.


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Friday, May 16, 2008
Let's Talk About


Here's a letter I read in today's paper which just made me laugh out loud:

For the good of the majority, we call on you, the authorities, to do the correct thing and ban the new ‘S*x And The City’ film that is due for cinematic release in a couple of weeks time. On what basis? The content is quite simply inappropriate for the region. The programme on which the film is based (and one must assume that the two will not be dissimilar) is one that promotes immoral behaviours in the vein of casual relationships, inappropriate fashionistas and disturbingly immoral stereotypes. Whilst this may be representative of a selection of Manhattanites, how much does this matter to the rest of the world? I would lean to the side of none. Dubai heralds its own stereotypes in the shape of a Jumeirah Jane, a friendly stewardess or an opulent pilot who would fit perfectly alongside many of the programme’s characters. On this basis, to think what sway a feature length “movie” promoting further materialism and insecurity would have on the “glamorous” expat population of Dubai is, frankly, unnerving.
Is the programme / film merely entertainment or does it smack of product-placing producers exemplifying Gladwell’s Tipping Point to the tune of designer handbags, shoes and part-time boyfriends? Does Dubai really need such mindless promotion? A moral question does need to be asked.
Wilted Rose
Dubai


So what do you say - a ban on our beloved S*x in the City movie?


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Thursday, May 15, 2008
Luck be a Lady Tonight


Exactly 1 week from today, I'm going to be a year older. In fact, I'm going to turn a ripe old age of 25. Rather than go completely postal and moan about my age, it's really not a very big deal for me. Though in typical birthday fashion, I have updated my wishlist with more random things, and I'm looking forward to seeing my friends on the big day. But what I'm looking forward to the most is my 'Past Me' email - more on that next week!


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I Am What I Am






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Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Gold digger


This story will seriously get you in stitches. Scanning through my favorite fag-rag 7days, I came across a very interesting article. Here's the abridged version - a Chinese businessman left close to Dhs 2 million in gold and cash in the back seat of a taxi in Dubai. The taxi driver, discovering the bag, promptly handed it in to the police who managed to track down the businessman and return the valuables to him. The driver was rewarded Dhs 13,000 for his honesty, and everyone lives happily every after.

Not!

Here are a few keynotes for you kiddos:
  1. Who the HELL carries around a bag containing gold and cash? More precisely, 4.5kg of gold? And more importantly, WHERE do you even get that? Do you just walk into your local bank and go "Oh hi there...I'd like 4.5kg of gold please, for take-away".
  2. Out of the Dhs 13,000 that the taxi driver received, Dhs 1,000 was given by the businessman. A thousand bucks? Are you freaking kidding me? You've got close to 2 million in a doggie bag, and you shell out a whopping 1k?
  3. To stress on how cheap this 'businessman' is, he's taking a fucking taxi around Dubai. What, you don't want to spend on a hired driver or a limo service? Tell you what, next time you want a ride around town, give me a call, and you can leave your tip in ingots in my back seat.


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Monday, May 12, 2008
Make it Better


A rather bizarre thing happened in Dubai a few weeks ago. It rained for a full 8 minutes in the morning! Now our 'rainy season' is typically December/Jan, so it was very odd to see rain in the middle of May. The next day, we found out that the rain was caused by the local Met office doing some rain experiments - no, they didn't dance around a fire trying to invoke clouds, but they used planes to sprinkle special salts in the air, which in turn caused the rain. Now it was a rain that was mostly muddy, destroyed my laundry, and ruined my brand new Ace Hardware BBQ grill, but on the plus side, the rain did bring the temperature down a few degrees. The funniest thing though was that once people found out that the rainfall wasn't natural, everyone was up in arms with 'Oh should we play God and make the rain ourselves' type arguments. For me the only question is that now that we can make it rain, when is it going to rain men?


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Saturday, May 10, 2008
King of the Road
So thanks to Sam, I've been tagged - something which has never happened to me in the years of my blogging. This one is actually quite good - they say that everyone needs to have a 'soundtrack' to their life (for years mine was I Will Survive, but soon changed to I'm a Bitch) but this is a bit different.

Rules of the tag: Various situations are given. You have to come up with a song (or a couple) that aptly describe those situations in YOUR life.

Opening credits: Suddenly I see - K.T Tunstall
Waking up: Perfect day - Hoku
Average day: Every day is a winding road - Sheryl Crowe
First date: God Of Love - Alana Davis
Falling in love: Falling into you - Celine Dion
Love scene: L-O-V-E - Nat King Cole
Fight scene: Unleash the Dragon - Sisqo
Breaking up: - Incomplete - Backstreet Boys
Getting back together: - Something stupid - Robbie Williams
Secret love: I can't fight this feeling anymore - Reo Speedwagon
Life's okay: I am what I am - Hanna Jones
Mental breakdown: Leaving on a jet plane - Chantel Kreviazuk
Driving: How bizarre - OMC
Learning a lesson: Live to tell - Madonna
Deep thought: Don't Know Why - Norah Jones
Flashback: Yesterday once more - Carpenters
Partying: Just Be - Tiesto
Happy dance: Mambo no 5 - Lou Bega
Regretting: Sorry seems to be the hardest word - Blue
Long night alone: With or without you - U2
Death scene: Remember me this way - Jordan Hill
Closing credits: Filthy Gorgeous - Scissor Sisters

So now to return the favor, I officially tag the following people:

Wicked Danu
Tall Order
Em(ma)Nation
queer i s t a n


Spread the love!


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Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Soulcleansing


So I haven't been feeling too good this week, and today morning I woke up feeling a bit queasy, so I was basically taking my time going around the house, fixing breakfast etc. In my wondrous need to take life a bit slowly this morning, I didn't notice that I was actually running quite late. Vaulting into the shower and hopping out in record time without shaving or anything, I managed to deep-fry my hair into a suitable looking clump, throw on my work clothes, and head to the office.

Now have you noticed on the days when you look like absolute crap, people give you the dumbest comments? This is what I've got so far today:

Oh you're growing a beard? It really suits you!
Hey! Your hair looks really nice today - very shiny!
There's something different about you today...

Let me get this straight - I only look good on the days I look like freaking Wolverine?


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Saturday, May 03, 2008
Feel Good Time


I'm glad I'm not a gay clubbing bunny. I admit, I do like going out once or twice a month to our favorite Time Cafe, I generally tend to avoid the main-stream clubs and bars which my work mates and friends rave about. Either the music isn't right, or the people there are drunk out of their minds, or something or the other is amiss. So to help all you clubbers out there in Dubai looking for a good time, here's a list of places you can visit depending on what you're in the mood for:

Cheap Lasik Surgery - Zinc
Drink till he's single - Barasti
Flirt and give karma back to the universe - Buddha Bar
Lung Cancer in 1 month - Chi
3% permanent ear drum damage - Hard Rock Cafe

Got any more to add?


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