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Sunday, November 27, 2005
R.E.S.P.E.C.T
Today was a rather amusing day. Started off on a good note with a nice cup of tea and some cake that's been hiding at the back of the fridge. Checked my emails and out of sheer boredom I logged onto hi5. Surprised was I to find a message in my Inbox from a rather exotic looking and proud-to-be-busty female. Here's a copy-paste of her message to me:

Hi there,

You have veryy good profiile here I like to read it a lot. you are interested in {lists my interests here} and sounds veyry intersting. I am {her name} from Europe, I am looking for a man just like you who can make me happy. If you want you can tell a,ll about yourself in your next message,..,I very much would like to meet you. I wait for your reply

Read my profile again bitch - I'm gay.

There was a serious earthquake in Iran today, and believe it or not, we could feel the aftershocks all the way here in Dubai and Sharjah. Having just begun to tuck into my lunch, I was rudely interrupted by our building watchman who hastily explained that we had to get out of the building as they were evacuating the residents. I yelled to my sister to get her ass into gear and grab some of her stuff. I grabbed my keys, wallet, cell phone, and a pocket torch. My sister on the other hand, grabbed her bag, a tube of sunblock, a small jar of Vaseline, and the keys to her cupboard and dresser ("In case someone robs us" she explained to me). At least now I know who not to call in a crisis.


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Thursday, November 24, 2005
On the second day of Christmas
Yet another Christmas post. It's kind of hard to get away from the Christmas spirit, regardless of whether you are Christian or not. It kind of gets into your system when you see everyone around walking with that extra bounce in their step (after a few Prozacs), smiling happily as they wait for the bus (finally got laid), or just singing to themselves in the office (got the best out of the divorce). The cutest thing of course, is seeing the kids get all excited about Santa Clause. Who would have thought an overweight man in red would become an idol for millions of kids everywhere. What with his hoe hoe hoe and such. And seeing as I will be going to my niece's school Christmas Fair next month, I may as well get into the spirit of things early on. So in the true spirit of Christmas, I am going to get hopelessly high on sugar (alcohol is not something I'd willingly ingest, hence my sweet tooth). And of course, all I want for Christmas is for the farking turkey to fit into the oven.


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Monday, November 21, 2005
Come into my world
Wandering around a department store today, I couldn't help but notice how well endowed some of the male underwear-displaying mannequin-torsos are. Hey, it's a sin for me to walk out of a store and not pick up something skimpy to wear. Which brings me really to my original thought - I really hate boxers. I mean I hate them with a passion. On so many occasions I've gone out on a date with a really attractive guy, but the total turn off comes when he whips off his trousers and reveals that he is wearing what can only be described as a pillowcase. Or better yet, a parachute. I mean I know some guys are into the whole 'room-to-breathe-down-there' phenomenon, but seriously, the boxer thing is a big no-no for me.

Today I got my first parking ticket - it was a horrible feeling. Having decided to laze around in bed a bit later than usual today, I ended up exceeding my parking time by half an hour. So when I jovially went down to my car, I found a little white paper neatly tucked under my windscreen wiper, calmly stating that I had exceeded the allotted time and I should get my ass into gear and clear on out. So my half an hour of lounging in bed has cost me Dhs 100. I bet the parking attendants wake up an hour early and wait next to cars for the meters to turn on at 8:00am so they can then go around tagging every single damn car in the parking lot. How the fuck do these people sleep at night ??! I have to do some name and shaming here - my ticket was written by Mohammed Abdul Mohammed Aziz. Or, MAMA.

On the better side of things, D's Birthday was nice...when he eventually turned up! We were all adamant about voicing our discomfort, but we decided to get constructive and be bitchy on the whiteboard.



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Sunday, November 20, 2005
Encore une fois
I admit to being a shopaholic. Not a day goes by where I find myself picking up a fabulous bargain or visiting a store that has "SALE" plastered on the front window. But the one thing I can't stand about some stores is their changing rooms. Example - a few days ago I walked into a very well known and fancy store which shall remain nameless for now (*koff* ends with 'worths' *koff*) and their changing room had...A CURTAIN instead of a door! Now I'm sure this is the latest trend in interior design, but call me old-fashioned if I don't want people to peek in and see what color underwear I'm wearing today. All it takes is one SWOOSH and you'll be staring at a guy with one leg in a pant hopping around trying to get the other leg in. There's nothing more comforting than changing behind a good, solid door. At least you know no one else will see how bad you look in those leather pants that looked flawless on the mannequin. And WHY do so many stores have more than one mirror in the changing room? Do I *really* need to see how bad I look from 12 different angles? Paranoia grips me whenever I'm in a changing room - I keep thinking there's a hidden camera behind the mirror or something. Which is why I always put on a good show.


Today is D's birthday - hurrah!


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Thursday, November 17, 2005
It's in his Kiss
Okay, it really is rare when I talk about celebs, but I really have to dedicate a whole post to this particular guy. Zach Braff, the wonder-boy of Scrubs, and to whom I have been faithfully linking to from my other blog, has made a very good video post on his blog, which can be viewed here. Mind you, there are 700+ comments on that page, so it does take a while to load. But it really is worth it. Omg...I'd go hysterical if he posted a comment on here...I'd print it out and frame it and everything. But seriously, he's a cutie and an extremely talented actor. I can't wait for Chicken Little to hit the screens here!


On a totally non-gay note, help me Kill Bill's Browser and get a whole buck for yourself.


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Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Leaving on a jet plane
Since this is floating around the Internet, I just thought I'd post it here as well, since my brain is temporarily on hold and I can't think of anything to blog about.


12 reasons why gay people should not be allowed to get married
1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control.
2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. Infertile couples and old people can't legally get married because the world needs more children.
3. Obviously, gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if Gay marriage is allowed, since Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.
5. Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are property, blacks can't marry whites, and divorce is illegal.
6. Gay marriage should be decided by people, not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of the minorities.
7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
10. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why single parents are forbidden to raise children.
11. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven't adapted to things like cars or a longer lifespan.
12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a "separate but equal" institution is always constitutional. Separate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as separate marriages for gays and lesbians will.


("when I come back I'll wear your wedding ring...")


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Tuesday, November 15, 2005
I'm Coming Out
I think coming out is one of the most difficult yet often over-rated parts about being gay. For some, it is a truly liberating experience, and the effect it has on your close friends and family is fantastic. I've heard a number of my friends tell me how worried they were about coming out, and how they feared other people would react. But after they got it off their chest, they were just worried about nothing. For example, take my friend L's experience: (I'm not making this up at ALL!)

L: Mum, Dad, I have something important to tell you.
Mum: Oh god...you're pregnant!
L: Er, no. I'm gay...
Dad: Oh! Well yea, we already knew!
L: Oh, er...okay... *family hug*

Don't get me wrong though, for some people coming out has been the hardest thing they've done, often leading to arguments, being thrown out of the house, and what not. And being outed by someone else when you didn't ask for it is another issue. Just yesterday on a forum I moderate, a member outed another member - his 'apparent' best friend. As much as I would have loved to leave the message and observe the ensuing fued, I decided to get rid of the message alltogether. Simply because, I wouldn't like to be outed on a public forum like that, even if it was done by a 'best friend'. And best friends like that I can do without, thank you very much.


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Monday, November 14, 2005
Lord I'm coming Home
I've got mixed feelings about moving out. My sister can't wait to move into her new apartment, and I don't blame her - try finding an apartment here that's less than Dhs 30,000! Maybe it's because I was so used to having my siblings around me every day, that I never entertained the thought that one day they would be moving out. My sis and brother have moved on out, and now it's time for my second sis to do the same. Which of course, just leaves me living with Dad and Mum for the time being. My Mum's vision for me is a two-floor villa, so that she and Dad can live upstairs, and I can live downstairs with my wife and 2.5 kids (a la Everybody Loves Raymond). Sweet thought, but that wife part gives me the shivers. Oh and the part about them living above me. Sex would be banned in the house that's for sure.

In other news, I discovered today that IKEA has moved from its beloved location in one of my favorite malls to a location right opposite my old college. I've come to think that IKEA is a must-have for gay people. You're not a certified gay man until you've shopped at IKEA and put up a profile on gaydar. Both of which of course, I have done. So I can kiss this weekend goodbye as my sister will be dragging me there to buy things for her apartment. And it's not that I don't want to go, it's just that I don't want to be dragging a 41kg showcase home like last time (flat-pack my ass!).

N loves her new blog design, which is good...it was terrifying doing the blog of someone so literarily gifted. And yes honey, I love you too. *kiss*


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Sunday, November 13, 2005
When the heartache is over
I have no ass. The space between my lower back and the back of my thighs is available for rent. I've looked for 'miracle jeans' from Levis that apparently give you guaranteed buttage for a price, but even those don't seem to be doing the trick. Stuffing the back of my underwear is also out of the question, in case you're wondering. I could do squats, rolls, crunches, or whatever all day and I'd still have no ass. Why isn't there a pill for this already? I mean there's a pill to take care of what's in front, so why not one to take care of what's in the back? I envy some of the guys I see walking around malls with their butts high in the air (insert disturbing imagery here). I mean, are there some sort of 'push-up' briefs that I'm unaware of?

R talked with me about my apparent fetish for straight men. What can I say, for me the best men are always straight. And it's not that I'm going to hop in the sack with them (S are you reading this?), but a little dirty-flirty never hurt anyone. I mean, there aren't a lot of straight guys in my life...in fact, there aren't a lot of guys in my life period. However, if a delicious treat happens to waltz on by, don't expect me to act all angelic. You know I'm going to be picturing him in a towel already.


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Thursday, November 10, 2005
I see you baby...
I think the best sort of man to marry would be a baker. Or a chef even. Can you imagine going to bed with a man who smells of freshly baked bread and succulent black forest cake? Strolling through the bakery section at my local grocery shop I couldn't help but chew on this delicious marital fantasy as I picked up some garlic bread and custard puffs. We need more bakers in the world I think. Women (and men as well) would be so much happier with their married lives. For one thing, you'd never have to worry about body odor...just dab some frosting or rub a freshly baked scone on you and you're done for the day (Note: please discard scone after inappropriate use). And just think, any time you argue, you can look forward to a please-forgive-me eclair or even a mountain of croquembouche. OOoo..I could have wedding cake every day!

Dropped my parents off at the airport today morning...their first vacation to India after god knows how many years. I think after I was born they decided to cut down on expenses, so the first thing to go was the family vacation! Hey, with four kids, you need to save up as much as you can. So I'm pretty much alone at home in a 3 bedroom apartment...just what I need - more lonliness in my life. Oh well, I did manage to pick up a video CD of "Cracking the Da Vinci Code", so that should make for good viewing in the evening when I curl up with my garlic bread and mango mousse.


A big thank you to Aideen who fixed up a bug on my template so that it now looks as it's supposed to in both IE and Firefox. Oh what the hell, get Firefox anyway...


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Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Holding out for a hero
Talking to Neha last week made me wonder about the science behind long-distance relationships. Do they even turn out right? I mean sure, we bitch like an old couple, but it just made me think about couples who have fights online or over the phone and just hang up or log off in each other's face. To make things worse, when you finally want to make up, you have to do it using plastic emoticons and e-cards. I mean, whatever happened to a good old fashioned hug?

I go to bed hugging a pillow instead of a man. Which would actually turn out to be a depressing thought except my pillow won't grope me at 4 in the morning looking for a mid-morning screw. And for that, I guess I'm thankful.

D was very interested when I told him that some of my friends found him sexy. I don't know if he was just being silly or if he's really that modest. He asked me why I don't have a girlfriend and I replied that I'm complicated and have many layers (memories of Shrek's Onion-comparison come to mind). I asked him why he doesn't have a girlfriend, and he replied that he wasn't ready for commitment in his life just about now.


This Drama Queen is about to cry :)


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Tuesday, November 08, 2005
On the first day of Christmas
It's official. The Christmas season is upon us. How do I know? Because although it's just turned November, the shops have already lined up their Christmas merchandise ready for the hordes of shoppers to come and indulge in their clever marketing ploys. Dubai is kind of cool that way - we may not have a huge Christmas tree in the middle of Times Square, but we still celebrate Christmas in style. Novelty aside, I've begun practicing with my choir for Christmas service...I think the hardest carol that I will be playing is "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" It may be an upbeat carol, but you try playing Em B7 Em Bm C G C B7 Em Am B7 for each line and then come talk to me.

I remember when I was younger how much fuss my mum would make over dressing us up for Christmas service. I used to wear my dark blue suit, black pants, and white shirt with a frilly button-down vest, complete with black bow tie. Looking back at that picture of me I can't help but wonder where my fashion sense was at that time.


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Monday, November 07, 2005
We are family
The fourth blog in my account...and this site inspired me to put up this one.

For all the website work that I've done, I still run out of ideas when it comes to designing something for myself. But for me, there's something so fucking sexy about black, white, and grey.


P.S If the site looks like shit with weird characters popping up and the columns not lining up, then get FireFox until I can get the template fixed. Internet Explorer isn't a gay-friendly browser anyway...


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